angel-devil

heehee

like me

an angel and a devil

that's what i wanna be

i'm gonna watch and see

how i turn out to be

an angel i'll always be

a devil i dream to be

oh let me see

these both in me

angel eyes and devil smile

for thee :)

-hee-

can you... see this in me?

This is so sweet my dearest yindeh :) and funny :D
Hope all you've said will come true, i dun wanna doubt the nengken...
i miss you sooo muchyyy nengken dear~

Cutest Ms Angie.
Don't you fret my darling.
This week u may be blue,
But next week you'll be smiling :)

IELTS of Seven
Is something you can get
As long as you believe in yourself
Nothing will be too bad :)
Testimonials from teachers
Will be easy peasy for you
They will say
Angie is an angel
Angie is kind but firm
Angie is a friend and teacher
of only the very best kind :)

So don't u give up dear
All these are but a challenge
We'll always be there behind you
Never doubt the nengken. :P

Wish i could write more
But lest the boss looks at me funny,
i'll have to stop now
and wish u the best u can be!

love lots
yindeh
heheeee

it's one of those BEAT BEAT days!! omg. i felt like lying flat on the ground, closing my eyes, not shutting my ears but not wanting to know what they're doing...just lay 'dead' in the state of ignorance! i felt like i was really gonna be craZY! this is too 'OVER' to add colours to my life, i donT need this!

anyways, 〈Just Like Heaven〉is sooo nice!! A part of my bday gift from yindeh one/two years back. haha. i finally watched it. two thumbs UP!! yo!

maybe i've been too 'generous' lately? what should i do? play 'pee-ka-boo'? play 'silence is golden'? play 'visible statue'? or just don't play anymore... ???

Today i kept sneezing. and have a sore throat. i woke up 5am coz i dreamt of a friend's father dead and couldnt get back to sleep anymore. he wrote something really sweet to his family (in friendster?) (in 1980?) but had a child in 1986 and is still very alive now? this is too weird & incredible. however it still disturbs me. shit la. chinese saying: when u dream of someone dead, u're extending his/her life. dont let me be the one helping extending ppl's life anymore please. oh gosh.

i'm having a lazy day and was really glad when cb appeared as an offline onliner. it's the first time i ever see him staying up until this late, his 3am. and yup, for that reason he told me about :) this cb, always acting so cool, so manly, so brotherly, yet spontaneous, silly and jovial. cb can make ppl sometimes very geram, sometimes feeling stupid, sometimes offending you like nobody's business. but no doubt he's been there to cheer me up and make me feel better. he can get me to talk crap and total silly stuffs with him and talk about things which are so out of topic then suddenly jump back to the most formal topic ever again. seems like someone who expects you to read his complicated mind though. erm.

many things said are like still so intangible. we shall see :):)

what is the feeling when u get to know something that you dun feel like knowing? why do i accidentally get to know it? i wish things were simpler, and ppl dont make themselves complicated. be yourself. dont be someone you dont even know how to be. changes are sometimes interesting, but too big a change makes it odd. dont change the picture in my mind. i like it the way it used to be...

i find this camel story quite meaningful~~

so the MORAL of the story is:

Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences

are only useful if

YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE!!

so where are you now?

and where am i now?

Today the toad was gonna talk about his childhood. As I was walking out to the bus-stop, suddenly I was thinking that I want to go back to Kenyalang to that long room of ours, with our daddy-made ping-pong table, the red & green carpets we used to skip about, the night-lamp we use to bully, our blankies that can be the roofs of our dollhouse, the long white table with 2 holes to stick in our legs, and the nice but hard-to-clean window which we can see half of kuching's view? miss all that =.= Only I remembered that our old sweet home has been banged down & turned into a new building already :( may our childhood memories stay there forever.

Today I took the bus 3times. 2times 21, and once 20. I used to hate getting 20 coz it's like nearly 21, so I think it's the worst luck. But this one is a nice number: 9911. well, it turned out quite a nice day :)

By the way, I want to know what the toad is thinking. Bombastic weirdo.

Post mortem of August 19. One year before angie knew.
my sis and i actually made a deal? to see how she, he & i will be doing after one year. well, it seems that we're all just doing fine, having our new adventurous stories and it just proves that all you need is TIME.
this date has actually like kind of been instilled in me, but it especially occurred like a month before. i was actually abit nervous, afraid to lose a good friend, afraid to feel the awkwardness between us. but this july the penang trip made me understand my "it" better. i love him as a really good friend, to that extent that i can actually feel that i'm treating him somehow differently, but inexplainable. in fact i feel that we could actually talk more about our true feelings now, rather than last time, always hiding it only to ourselves, feeling weird to share. It's like spending the entire day to plan what to say, but ended up talking about something else. what a failure! haha. Anyways, i hope this special friendship would last for a very very long time :)

Back to August 19. i was like 'oh mien, 19Aug!' when i got to know that we had 2 assignments and a presentation to do on this particular day! It was a tiring day, but it turned out to be a really great day! It's the first time we've ever seen Sam with such an enormous smile! "You've all done such a great job!" It just melts your heart, after staying up till 4am :) it's like NO MORE 'samophobia'!!! yeah!

It just seems that when there's nothing happening, really the whole day just lays flat; but when you have things happening, all day it comes. This so called CA person ruined some of my happiness. eeeew. why did he have to do that to himself?
next this MSL, i dunno what to say. it's a mystery knowing him, he's funny at times, overly concerned at times. but the thing is, it's like he's just too childish for his age. i feel like a very big sister, always giving him advice which i dunno works onot B-) gosh.

Talking about these, thanks to CB who really can brighten up my day! He works as a 'distraction' which is so called 'motivation'. and i really need that during my stressful days, haha. this is finally someone more worth looking forward to :) yindeh said we have chemistry? haha, CLICK!!

BEAT!! BEAT!!
Oh come on cheer me up...
Are you having thunderstorms in your dreams now?
I'm in flames. In flames!!

I seem to have fate with 9. say some.
I was born on the 9th. daddy too. And that koko who became me?
There’re 9 family members staying in my house.
My first love was born on a 19th, and we broke off on a 19th. (fate? Haha)
Today I found out that distracting monster was born on a 29th. Top secret revealed :P silly.
My best girlfriend is born on the 9th month.
My passwords usually have 9.
Now I count,,,,
There’re 9 young people in my life I can really talk to currently:
ying, ben, yeh, kim, joo, xuan, yen, jac, chuong.
Haha crazy me.
but anyways, 9, 9, 9. like 9, like me!! Hahaha :D

SOMETIMES…
Let’s just blow bubbles,
for no reason,
let’s just blow bubbles.
Laugh a little,
watch them disappear,
not even wonder where.
Smile and touch the rainbow colours,
watch them float in air.
No reason why –
Not goals – no structure.
~ Ruth Reardon

I seem to meet a ‘mother’ everywhere! Haha. At home, I have my dearest mummy. When I first came KL, I had Jane, whom most ppl hate, but can see that she really cares for me. In college, I have ‘mummy’. And now at LCMH, I have Mrs. Teoh! She sees the silliest & cutest me, and I’ve seen hers too, haha. I respect her, but at the same time can be very friend with her, and sometimes we talk like mother and daughter. today we went for a talk together, and there’s ppl who asked if I’m her daughter & that we look alike! Omg. Alike I dun think so, but Mrs. Teoh was happy and so do I. haha. Good boss :)

Mexen’s birthday. She’s 21!! Happy like what having a huge cake from Eugene! Haha!
Received a postcard from Yen sent from Melbourne! Hoho!

Finally met YC online again. For weeks we’ve been leaving offline boring msgs, and it’s much nicer to really chat! I can’t believe I’m actually having this weird 暗爽 feeling in me, but it’s so long since I felt this way again. There’s like so many things to talk about, but thanks to him I failed to do my work. Distracting monster. A nice friend to talk to is indeed hard to find,,,

HAPPY :)

Oh mien, it’s like there’re so many things to write yet there’s like no time to write!! Sad. July is really eventful and of coz, BUSY. Busy with life, busy with work, busy with friends, busy enjoying, and busy finding time! Since the start of july I’m like fully occupied and did not even realise that july had gone! Wow!

I intended to keep the Penang trip a secret, but I told them too. Haha. It’s worse keeping secrets eh? With two guys who’re like my brothers now, sometimes feeling I’m elder like jaga-ing two big men, sometimes feeling I’m younger being protected by two tall bodyguards or maybe being stupider is one of them? Haha. (whereas I always feel that kimkim is my big sister, haha) anyhow, good aeroplanes, best buddies!! Talking about the Penang trip, it was adventurous, as we explored on our own, but it wasn’t super exciting. Most of the time we’re entertaining ourselves rather than the environment entertains us. hmm..heh… well, the memorable stuffs were our walking aimlessly but with directions, our crazy singings, our crap-talking, our laughters, our bubbling, our pillow talk, our snores, and of course our crave and desires for NICE PENANG FOOD. We concluded that Kuching food defeated Penang food. Haha yeah!

Happy Kuching’s Day. I wanna go to the food fest…
1st August.
Mummy said it started off bad. Sejiingkat’s office is flooded by 2 inches!!
Daddy would have to pay my rent again.
Dee has a mini crush? Hehe.
Ben is gonna pia very hard for dentistry. 2nd option, doctor?? No way!!
CJ & Rong --- erm, enjoy school life!!
Kim gonna start class, joo starting new life, yeh busy working.
Gie leh? Apu~ I need motivation to drive on!! eLP!!

my dear Yew Juin...
can you please stop giving me an emotional breakdown? You always cause me feeling so sorry when it's not really my fault but half my fault. i was so sorry but it was hard for me to apologize to her. i felt so bad :( how could you be so fast? it's just a few seconds i'm away! you cause a foebia in me, seeing you around. you won't know how cute you looked when you first came, the two of you with bald heads, looking totally identical, talking in your own world in your own languages. i got to know you both were ADHD and what an exposure i have! i spent 2weeks to observe you two and really sat down to just look at both of you. and i managed to finally identify both of you. nobody at school can identify you both yet, i feel proud to say so. but now i know, you both look so different!

you really can drive me crazy! i bit my lips so many times because i was so frustrated at that time and i couldn't hit you. i quietly scolded you "bulldog" in my heart, making use of the effective word CJ taught us. when you climbed the piano and stood up there singing so happily, i nearly died of heart attack. when you messed up the whole place and get me to grab the wriggly you to pack up my muscles grew by a few inches. when i see you putting everything in your mouth i nearly vomitted. when you peed and pooed at first i felt like spanking you. when you bit my butt my finger and my thigh, i nearly felt like strangling you. how can you just bite so easily? you just cant control!! but i've seen you tried and i know how much effort you've put to control that. you';re a total opposite of me here. i felt so much like biting that someone once last year, but i had too much self-control. i just couldn't put my teeth together to bite that flesh! sometimes i wish i was more spontaneous like you. but please...please...please...work hard!! we'll help you all we can.

however with all your mischieve, you always melt my heart in so many ways!! i wonder i'm really that soft, but i don't feel so. you're all just so special. you melted my heart when you suddenly come and hug me. you gave me a really wet kiss when we sang the song! you suddenly jumped on my back and nearly strangled me. you pulled my hand to see what you have made, i can't understand, but will appreciate it. you made me so happy when you suddenly speaked something out without knowing it yourself! i was so amazed when i actually heard you singing for the first time! the way you looked at me when i washed your hands. the way you said bye-bye like an adult in a manly voice. the longest 2minutes you managed to sit on my lap, singing and dancing with me. you looked at me for no reason and suddenly run and jumped up to just hug me so tight! how did you do that jump?! i fell down but was laughing out really loud. you monster.

whatever, monster. please just control...for the sake of a bumblebee...i love you...

hmm...it's a nightmare for a person to remember you because once long time ago you dropped your bun on the floor and that person saw you pick it up and peel off the skin and eat the bun? thank god i did not blow it and eat it! mien, what a nightmare! well, it's nice having ppl to look forward to while chatting on msn. so far i have 7. it's just the happy feeling when you see them online, no matter you're actually chatting, or talking crap, or just having "the silence"...hah...

suddenly there's so much work to do...house, college, work, mind, friends... i'm starting to feel breathless... and i'm actually starting my individual & group assignments, and my piling reports!! and plannign ahead for arts & crafts for the children. and my lessons. and plans to release catharsis. at these times, i always think of the beach, and somewhere i can shout out really loud. i dreamt of myself crying last night, how stupid. but again, i dunno what's the reason. issit that it's so hard for me to cry that i had to express it in my dreams? that'd be so pathetic!! just cry it out, baby! BUT HOW?!

oh, help me help me...

okie here i am with my busy life again. The first day of college was like: I'm a student again!! How nice!! and having carmen as your lecturer is really fun :) somemore i had my OAD results, Sam's paper!! everyone's nightmare...but incredibly i had an A+!! and it's my first A+ in Dika!! mien, how excited. how happy. how glad. how amazing! how...(whatever...all the good words you can put in now! haha) in a day, i had KimGary, Kenny Rogers & Asia Cafe's famous Lala & Clam!! wowh! bloated. and it's 070707. most ppl say 7 is a very good number. a good day for me though!

and today. gosh, elp!! we're having Sam again this sem. bored, bored, bored. i actually slept in class after the lunch hour. i tried to open my eyes but...I REALLY TRIED. the thing is, i'm sitting right in front of Sam. this sem both classes we had are small classes, consisting only the 10 of us! so duhh, damn obvious, Angie is dozing off. when i finally stared at the screen in front, she said, "you guys want a break?" i know it's tiring esp after lunch. you also know!! but thanx for indirectly referring to me. haha. sorry la.

tonite i get to online. at home! haha. thanx to FengHui actually. bcoz of her, i got to know my other 2 china housemates better. we went out for the great movie together, went shopping & ate together. i was with them, and realised that i had a little china slang when talking to them too. are our tongues so flexible? they said i speak my chinese well. HAHA. really?? they said it's hard to communicate with West M'sians. said they always cant understand. HAHA. thanx to CHMS1 then :) how i miss my old school days!!

got back in touch with an old primary classmate. he said suddenly felt like finding old frens. but how come i'm the first he found? haha. CJ gave my number without asking who he is! what a brother! he remembers me as "the family girl". wow. and all i can recall is his plump body and his name which is read differently in chinese & english. but he described himself as "i was on the heavy side before." interesting way to say it! hehe. nice feeling finding back so called "forgotten" friends. okies for now!

不久前，一个跟我不太熟悉的朋友告诉我他其实是个很伤心的人。在别人面前，我们不都是戴着面具的吗？不这样还能怎样啊？每天跟朋友见面就哭哭啼啼还有什么意思？真正笑出来的时候也会把烦恼笑出来！除非真的不耐才会找个人聊聊吧？都不知‘伤心’怎么来的？王八蛋的东西！想起那一夜，我十二点半就熄灯了。忽然房门外漆黑一片又传来‘祝你生日快乐......’中国那四个一伙儿了。赖在床上一动也不动还情不自禁掉了三滴眼泪！后来自己都觉得很莫名其妙！

看男人，哈哈:D

这个星期搭巴士搭火车走路都不小心的观察到男人，完了。
可是那天就够衰了，火车很挤，那男的站我前面，脸还长得可以，衣服还可说称。看到他的包包，哇，形象跌了三分之一！要学潮流却学得这么失败！最惨的是，忽然他的手提了起来，天啊！股沟给我看到一半了！！差点晕到！真够丑啊，何必这样？裤子穿这么松，裤袋掉到大腿那，一点也不好看啦先生！

去健身房路程满长的，睡着了。巴士下来走上楼梯就一个男的拦住我，说了几句话，后来听到的就只有“你没有吓到吗？”“人家刚睡醒咧，先生。”后来继续说了几句话。他是做慈善帮那些尿失禁的。平时都不喜欢以这种方式做慈善的，竟然捐了RM10！算他魅力够好了，嘻嘻。不过那天是满开心的，睡醒有人都你笑，哈哈。笨笨的。

又一天回家路上巴士挤满人了。被挤到两个男人旁边。后来发现它们是一对的。一看就知道一个比较主动，一个比较被动。观察了几次都发现主动的那个长相比较看得出，而且是扮演男的角色；被动那个呢，长相都跟别的男人没什么两样，只是比较有女孩的心灵吧。他们有点含蓄的，却没有特别在意别人的眼光。说真的，很佩服他们的勇气。一路上他们就在我旁边，看他们也挺幸福的，至少他们都有彼此，不寂寞。我也跟着微笑了。又是傻傻的自己笑。

还有一天，在我旁边的旁边坐着一个红衣男人。恶心到不知该怎么说，他在floss 牙齿！那就算了，他还拿来嗅呢！没骗你，我当场鸡皮疙瘩！gelik死了啦！

有看到一对小情侣，看样子初二初三吧。“到家打电话给我。”小小就有电话，电话打来还接的有模有样！哈哈，现在的人越来越厉害了。祝福你们吧：）

回家时下着大雨，自然地手大部分是遮着头的吧。这男人却盖着双耳跑！我在后面有一点想笑。很坏吧？

又回到了这个不温暖的家。这几天，又要想念古晋的家了。
假期两个星期其实没做到什么，就真是尽情的吃喝玩乐追连续剧！值得赞赏的就只有我们突如其来的运动精神吧！有人一起跑步一起游泳感觉好幸福，虽然跑到一半就各跑各的了，虽然游泳喝到水还被宗英射水进我鼻子痛到要死想杀了他，但总比这里好，不用一个人搭远路去健身房，然后运动爽了又要搭那永远都挤满人的巴士回家。天色暗了还会心跳加速，一路上念着太子爷包庇。

回家的时候，曾经用多么多爱心苛护的心叶小树死掉了。它在那瘦瘦高高的透明杯子里证明了它四年多以来的强大生命力，努力传宗接代，生出好多个小小的可爱的小心叶。而我们呢，却还在爱情中摇摆不定。打开那蓝色的盒子，藏着很多小礼物和一些不知为什么会收的奇怪小东西。这些，应该就是初恋才会做的事情吧，哈哈，笨笨又单纯的甜蜜。这些都是以后想叙叙旧时的美丽回忆，把他们压到心里边的一个小小角落。

现在杯子时空的，留着的只有里面九、十颗小石头。因为习惯了它的存在，那天看到它死掉是有一点点的心痛。姐和我决定再找一棵，不要弥补过去，要创造新的未来！