confessions.

我忽略了曾经是很要好的几个朋友。
朋友一年比一年多，除了家人、飞机们和璇燕，很时常就不经意地忽略了其他也曾经是很要好的朋友...时间好像不够分给那么多人，而我的潜意识好像就认定那几个几乎天天都在一起的她们才是重要的人。偶尔会想起那些其他人，但有时就连一封信息也懒得发！我都还记得跟他们渡过的那些快乐时光，但分开久了话题也少了，感情淡了么？很多时候，我们说长大了，有些事情不用说的，只要感受就好，这句话绝对是错的。话还是得说的，真心与否呢，我相信当阅读者或听众的能感受得到的：）

我偷看过两个人的日记。
第一个人，她对我真的很重要很重要。看着她难过伤心又什么也不说，我很心疼。我知道她伤心的时候会拿出她的日记本写下心情，而那日记刚好就摆在眼前。她没写很详细，但我懂了她为什么伤心，也懂了她为何这么坚持。默默地祝福她，也用了另外一种方式当她的精神支柱。
第二个人，她开了一篇她写的部落格却叮咛我不可以看她的其它文章。好奇心太强，我隔天就开了，竟然出现这么多自己的名字。吓到。我看了两三篇有些感动...而她，是其中一个我渐渐忽略的朋友。

我对MSL好残忍。
从来没有对一个人这么残忍过。该说的一年前都说了。该给他的伤害也应该都给完了。对一个还算陌生的人他怎么能一坚持就三年？我的铁石心肠居然接受不了那一份坚持，而唯一能做的，就是不回信不听电话，完全当个冷血动物！希望他快点找到幸福，不要让我继续当坏人了：（

我在逃避现实。
还有两年，但第一年过去了，第二年感觉上过得好快好快。不想想也该想了。毕业后不年轻了，要怎样啊？五年前写了〈矛盾离开我〉，至今还找不到正确的答案，很懊恼。我还在等待奇迹。

A new year already. 2010.

2009--i felt i was younger again being a student, as compared to 2008, as a working lady. As usual ppl i met are either elder or younger, i kind of became young again with them, but with more wisdom;) this year in NZ, couldn't say i was tough enough to not miss home, and being so far away from home, i really felt how nice it is to have a huge family! Friends here are nice, and we all accompanied each other through this year, made it less lonely. We had fun and crazy times, but somehow i just couldn't find the homey feeling of being with my aerobuddies and subang buddies. it just felt different.


this board has accompanied me through the year in my little room in ASV, with all the people i love very, very much. my dearest family. my forever aeros. 这些年那些人which was stolen from yeh as i thought it was a really nice phrase to use. of cos not forgetting yaya, as i just found a pict with her recently. my special board has also caught much attention, heeha, and my roon became everyone's comfy room to chill and for pillow talks...

but anyways, without these NZ buddies here, i dont know if i can bear the year away from home! people here seem to come and go, come and go, and there's like not enough time to even really build a close relationship:(

This is the newest picture in my room:) toast for 2009! and thanks to my NZ buddies for the considered-great-year:) my new room is newly decorated, but no camera to take photos:(

almost all the faces in this pict are singles. and LONELINESS has become a one of the main topics. is it the age? is it the place? the people? or just us ourselves? ppl seem to start getting worried. sometimes i really wonder if i'm always falling for the wrong ones, and wrong ones fall for me. it's sad if this lasts forever! It never worked out with xm though he's really nice, yet we're so cool about it. yesterday can be ignored like nothing has ever happened. we dont really talk about it yet we kinda have a conclusion. we just know it's wrong to be together. maybe he's just meant to be my 恩人，from the first day i met him till now. and for two years now i still think that THAT stupid HIM is 'the one', but DAMN he's so not worth it and we never even really started. what we feel is not always correct, but it's just there, extremely confusing and frustrating. it felt like a love-hate-relationship, yet i never and never will have the courage to say it to him. why live such a silly life. damn.

ah well, 2 more years in NZ. somehow, i got a feeling i'll be going home. i feel that Malaysia is where i really belong, and where i can be my real real self. but well, hopefully for the next two years, life would be better than 2009, where love shone from home, the green beam which always seemed like an encouragement telling me "GO gie! be tough and move on!", the yellow beam which somehow seemed to be able to heal some wounds, and the blue beam which was always there to support whenever needed, and of cos, the red beam which has to try to shine itself with its own brightness!!!!

Life is still great with the LOVES OF MY LIFE.

May 2010 tiger year be filled with more smiles and laughters, great health and everything goes as smoothly as possible:)