Today i went Kenyalang alone, wanting to look for photo albums of 'my series'. really hard to find la. it wasn't in totally good condition but i was so desperate to get one, so i just bought it. then i asked if there's "HEART" a malay movie, which i felt like watching for some time already...got it. craving for my 菜包 at Yong Kwong, but don't have :( want to drink the 4-layer teh-si-peng, but dowan to drink alone. so juz bought a 叉烧包 and drove to school coz joo said he might be late. ended up reach too early, so went lunch with Wang. kena tipu pula, make me drive to Crown Square which is renovating, no food! so went Hock Lee to eat...hmm...

today, at 4th floor, when it's so quiet, i started thinking a lot again. aiks. i'm not so ready yet actually. i thought i was after cooling down for a few months already. i'm still not willing to talk about it with others, and chose to casually get thru it...let time decide their answers. yea, that's what i'll do, though i dunno which is better. why are things always not as easy as i thought?

Yay, i'm back home! i've been counting down since the 19th day! And once i arrived last Sunday, dad asked me when i'm going to KL again. i was so annoyed, and i refused to answer. "hey D, i juz got back!! and you ask me when i'm leaving?! dowan answer you lah!" then they all started laughing. in the plane the guy sitting beside me was kinda talkative, so i actually wasn't bored. haha.

back home here like got so many things to do, and so many activities coming up! it's already like not enough time!! some important things e.g. family trip has not been planned as this time it's near christmas & everyone seems to be busy... it's so nice meeting up with old frens again, especially the aeroplanes. we're even planning a pillow-talk-night already. one for 3, one for 4. green is not back yet. i'm really thankful to have friends so dear like them... again, muaks.

this time i come back, i feel a deeper love for CJ. haha. poor thing i think he's getting too much of nagging that's why he's so rebellious. dunno when will this cute brother grow up!! haha, he's taller than me now, and his voice is no longer the baby CJ! haha, but i like him more now. hehe. he's jsut as innocent as his silly sister, but uses his brain 69% less. kakaka. this Ben leh, hmm...shud say he's grown up now, and more jaga his sisters after having a gf! hmmm... i'm not too bad too, bringing his gf around today..hmmm... soon it'll be another distance relationship... good luck... it's just all so called fate. Rong is as irritating as before, so the very clingy and sticky and naughty and noisy. goodness sake, bear all the other kids but this little brother!!!!! haha.

today my eyebrows changed. ad tmr i might have a totally different look. it all depends on my mood tmr!! i just hope to look good. arghh...dowan to see a weird me...kakaka... i told them i wanna go to a saloon and say "i want a permed hairstyle that is easy to handle, nice, and must look young one." then they started laughing. why wor? aiyo...not used to look too matured la. i'm excited. and scared. but more excited.

Again I’m confused. Oh dear. In all aspects I seem to be (erm…lost for words…) somehow, there’s like too many decisions to make. Every little decision leads to a different life. I don’t know which things I should let go. Sometimes I feel that I make things complicated. Sometimes I feel that I talk a lot but never really expressed what I really want to say. Gosh, 〈遇见〉just played, once my so very favourite song. I think I can dream on for the rest of the day now…too many things in my head now, stars are flying all above. I need therapy.

Why would mama sometimes make things so difficult? I haven’t cried for so long. I’ve tried my best to make myself conscious of what is actually happening around me. I’m so known the happy girl and I like to make things less complicated. But somehow things are turned upside down and many things just so unexpectedly happen. I used to think that life was like a roller coaster but now I think it is worse. At least you can shout throughout the ride on a roller coaster and after that everything is back to normal. But in real life, you just have to eat up all the problems until you feel too full. Then you need to burp hard to release some burden! There it comes. I just burped. I’m so the confused now. I wish there’s somebody totally out of the way to talk to. Drink a memory loss potion? Hahaha. I think that is worse. I treasure memories. A lot. I wonder if I ever gave them good memories as well…

YO!!! my blog deserves some happy stuffs!! now i read some of my posts it's like so depressing. what the hell? what has happened to me la?? hehe, counting down these days....13 more days!! and i'll be back home with my dearest bed, and now i can call my toilet at home 'dearest' too!! yindeh said i could kiss it after what i've experienced here, but no thank you la. it's enough to let it be my throne, and i can sit there dreaming. hehehe :> the family president has called, and the motivator is on her mission!! but things are not confirmed yet...

now another half year has passed...and that means my life's gonna change again!! gonna say byebye to Starbucks soon...i'm happy & sad...haizz...but i promised not to write sad stuffs today!! so let's say what i'll miss...i'll miss curi-curi pouring our own drinks with partners without letting the managers see, i'll miss shouting the long long names of the drinks i used to think was so hard to call when i first joined, e.g. "i have a Venti-Hazelnut-Low Fat-Light Whipped-Signature Hot Chocolate" or a "Grande Toffeenut Less Sweet Frappuccino Blended Coffee"...haha...and what else...i'll miss mixing with those crazy ppl who's always saying the F word whom i think does not belong to my gang...i'll miss being at the counter meeting weird weird customers, making me laugh :D:D i'll miss coffee tasting when we sit down together, guys evaluating girls body & girls looking for leng-zhai(s). leng-zhais are really rare here!!! pathetic. but a good guy is kinda extinct now. haha.

btw, i might become a supervisor?? haha. dunno yet. i've been looking for so many jobs and houses, but whenever i wanna call, my heart still thumps so fast! goodness sake. anyways, since i announced today to be a happy day, i'm eating dinner with "my dear" bangla. hahaha. wish me luck ;)

我忽然很想学手语 跟哑巴约会
暂时让世间所有的声音藏在耳后
安静的世界里 就只有我和他

D: Sometimes it's better to remain single, coz it's happier that way.
G: But somehow, it's a nice feeling to love and feel being loved...
D: Ya...but a relationship actually gives us more sadness than happiness.
G: But that little happiness can really cover all the sadness.
D: Dunno what guys are thinking la, why can't they just berterus-terang?!
G: Yalo, guys memang unpredictable. We still want to know although sometimes we don't feel like knowing.
D: Scared just because of loneliness, i just go for the wrong guy as he comes along.
G: I scared i'll be like that, but i don't want that to happen lar...
D: Sometimes we just have to let go.
G: But it's really so so hard......

今晚刚好穿着绿衣绿裤还喝着热热的绿藻麦片
坐到腰酸背痛又不想睡觉一连看了六集的连续剧
现在又莫名其妙有股很想乱写东西的冲动
整晚不知怎的消化系统太过良好吃进去就排出来害我总是觉得肚子很饿很想吃东西
最爱的零食找了又找好像不再上市可是却没特别欲望想买其它零食
应该说是只对那零食有特别欲望害我现在不能猛吃发泄一顿
最近习惯吃些健康水果还有以前最讨厌的这些麦片饮料
还学会了喝不加糖的黑咖啡虽然还不是很会享受它浓浓又香醇的味道啦
最近也把想念的人一个个轮流放在电脑荧幕上
选择把想念藏起来的绝对不会是我因为我会死命看死命想个够想到不知要想什么才好
之后就会爽一点还会笑自己笨蛋因为自己刚刚无理取闹胡思乱想
会想过去会想最荒唐根本不可能发生的东西就是没想那个未知数的未来
我的未来真的很模糊更惭愧的是连自己要什么也不知道
总是一幅单纯笨蛋的样子每天只会期盼大家快乐真是有点荒谬
只会给人说我头脑直直的不得不帮我弄些凹凸又不是我想要的有本事就弄歪我吧
哎哟现在好希望有一个人就在我背后帮我捶捶背不然帮我搓搓身上不知哪来的一二三四五粒会痛的黑青
二零零六年十月二十一日凌晨三时五十九分赖佩雯有点sot了
不要做梦只要睡觉

有時候看戲看到戲里的主角就好像看到自己
看她那副傷心但還一直笑可是不是裝笑的樣子
看她的處事方式笨蛋百痴的好像在傷害自己
看她不知不覺傷害了自己但又阻止不了自己那麼做因為就是太好心要壞也壞不起來
看她總是深呼吸然後笑給沒有人看但還是以笑安慰自己
看她明明不開心但笑好像就是一種最強的藥可以解掉一點點毒
看她喜歡跟人分享快樂因為快樂是她生命中排行第一的

看她在家裡在外面簡直就是兩個人
寫信給學長時好像世界末日了害學長擔心到要死
學長看到她她卻若無其事一笑遮天
學長覺得莫名其妙似懂非懂
可是她不管不管不管別人怎麼想
看了她我也不管不管不管
還是覺得這樣的我最適合我了
我就是這樣傻呼呼的我嘛還能怎樣

Delayed blogs>>>>

8/9/2006
I feel stupid :(
I don’t know what I’m thinking.
Still dreaming.

9/9/2006
Boring class. Had a presentation and I was like on stage alone for 15mins, and Jegi joined for another 35mins. Dunno why the lecturer got so much to talk, but he’s good la.

10/9/2006
Terribly boring as well. Same lecturer for 2 days!! The eight of us planning to ponteng class next next Saturday. Will be damn obvious eh? Haha. That 4 sure lah. Other 2 need to attend coz absent few times liao. Me and WLing leh, always ended up to be good girls. So we’re deciding to be naughty this time. Will it work?? Haha.

11/9/2006
Nightmare. He appeared. He said he wasn’t coming!! I was like so freaked out seeing him so early in the morning once I start work holding the till. Thanks to him I got so many voids, coz of nervousness!! Hope I won’t need to write a report tomorrow. Shite. From now onwards, every Monday will be a nightmare… help!!!!!!! I hope the other days will remain safe. Goodness sake, why meet a scary guy like that?!

16/9/2006
Wow…it’s like having the past two days with two big sisters! How nice :) feel homey. So homey. And really eat a lot. Haha. But I bloody dunno how I would fall down at the airport!! So embarrassing. Worst thing I was wearing my jeans but still my knee was hurt. Ouch. And it looks yucky :(
Today at college the lecturer really looked like Aunty Denert. Miss her so much when I looked at the lecturer. So I non-consciously kept looking at her, and I think she also realised la. I even silly-ly took a photo of her, pretending I was aiming another person. 三姨，such a nice person, but why leave so early?

18/9/2006
我们尝试让彼此差异能隐形
遗憾的是回避不能解决问题
当我疲倦地凝望你憔悴表情
再不舍得 也该让你远离

握你的手
坚持到最后一秒钟
哪怕爱要冰凉了
至少让回忆是暖的
了解比爱难多了
我们都尽力了
也许温柔是停止挽留

握你的手
像耳语轻声说保重
让眼睛就算湿了
不只是痛也有感动
以前每一次挥手
都为了再握手
但这一次
是为了放手

19/9/2006
Why would I dream of this?? Gosh. Two guys on the phone. Both crying. Can’t remember why. And I was attending to…. dunno..... remember I was half shouting, coz so panic. Then?? Mystery discontinued, I woke up. Silly dreamy. Again.

Delayed blogs>>>

28/8/2006
I have always wondered why I usually only sang songs with 'happy' lyrics. I thought it's just me, always liking to be positive. Even when ahMah was going to die, seeing her struggling in her room that night, seeing her anger trying to hold the bottle herself, making her hardest effort to talk but the voice just couldn’t come out, then suddenly the next day she was like normal again. I made myself believe that she'd be ok, feeding her with the 'tang yuan', convincing her that she sure could go through another year being healthy. Denying, denying and denying. We all knew that she would go soon, but half of us were still thinking positive, awaiting miracle. In the end, she went. But in the way she wanted, at home. Peaceful. I remember hearing the last breath, and we all went in one by one to touch her icy hands. Goodness sake, why and how did I come to writing this?? Guess it's the first thing to think about regarding the word 'sad'.

I realised that recently when I start the music in my media player, I skip the songs I used to sing. Now I’m unintentionally looking for songs I've never heard before. Thanks to the CD I bought at Cheras pasar malam that night. I didn't know that it would turn out so useful now, the songs and lyrics just really suits my mood now. Sad but encouraging lyrics. But why had I picked that CD?? As though my sense knew it before me. Recently it's like good days and bad days are quite predictable, 'coz it really turned out like one day good one day bad. So since today(I mean yesterday) is a not so good day, tomorrow(today) will be a good one!! Had the weirdest dream ever too last night. It’s like related to things happening now, not in a way totally out! I wonder what the dream is hinting me...I always wanted to know what my dreams stands for, but most of the time I think it's better not to know. It's like kinda scary to know... less dreams please...

Yen always said I'm always very 'mao-dun'. Yalo, I know.
Mexen always call me not to think so much. Trying not to. But if they appear in my dreams, what can I do?
Kim always said she'll be there to support and share with me my ups and downs. Thanks.
Joo call me to be bad to people to be kind to myself. Hahaha. Hmm...something like that la.
Yeh always call me to 'guai la'. Already very 'guai' liao la.
Saji is someone new I can talk to.
Bear sometimes has magic. i told him. but when i tell him he no magic liao. haha.
Qiang always wish me to be in pink. pink wor.
Ben always call me to jiayou together and sweet dreamzzz. Jiayou ok. I wanna reduce dreaming la.
Ying always call me smile like I always do, and things will sure be better and I'll have a better tomorrow. I still always smile.
I told ma n pa that I miss home.
Pa said if got one week holiday then can go home. But I only got 2days la. But pa very nice to talk to...this year...hehe.
Ma said she can solve every problem that makes my mood bad with pa's help, unless I'm the cause myself. Wah wah wah. But I said I'm the cause and refuse to share. Hoh.

Sandra always said she cannot tahan see me good good girl. I told her I'm already very 'loud' in sbux. She just laugh and shook her head. But I think I know how she's thinking about me. Getting to like her. Hehe. Herry and Baim treats me nice. Sandra & Zana & Regi likes to give me pressure, I feel. But getting used to it. Seldom do people see that I'm sad, but this SuAnn is telling me that I look sad when I'm actually smiling, I don't how she even knew. But in the end I successfully convinced her by being as normal as I can. JooHieng gave me a card and made my day. Syed left his drink for a long time not drinking it coz I pumped his name & a smiley face on it. I found out & laughed at him then he tickled me. Shit, make me got blue-black for knocking the rack. I just passed on what I had on the 2nd day of work when Wilson pumped a big smiley face on my hot chocolate. Always a little thing can make someone's day :)

Half doing assignment. Writing blog. Waiting for the moon(s) to appear. Tipu tipu tipu!!! Cannot even see the real moon, how to see the 2nd moon wor? Ishh... sleepy already la. I would have called some people with excitement if I saw, who cares if you're sleeping!! But disappointment only la...herrrr~ 1:39am

Still can't see moon!! Grrrrrrrr...... sleep liao. 2:09am.


28/8/2006 22:10
I'm at the POS position today when one of my customers suddenly asked me, “Hi how are you? Are you smiling to me coz we talked also that day?” I was like “errmmm...sorry sir but I can't remember...”, feeling bit the guilty but not expecting myself to remember the 'so many' customers. Then he told me, “Haha, it's ok, dun worry. You've got a great smile, keep it up!” hohoho...shy shy...

Another customer asked me the same thing twice. First time I didn't know what he said so I just said hi. Second time he asked me again, and I asked if I could help him. Third time he said louder, “Hi how are you?” hahaha, I was so paiseh...and he was laughing at me. Goodness sake.

There was snapshot today. Scary. Every month there'll be, and we never know when. Just that while working halfway, suddenly you see a flash, then a camera. Then you have to pretend you didn't see it. Gosh. Terrible experience.


29/8/2006 21:29
Regi accidentally kena my waist and I made a funny sound and my body went forward. He thought it was funny and did it again and again, shite. Then once I was drinking water and he did it, and I was running after him and he ran past the bar! Gosh, so embarrassing...luckily no customers. Where got manager macam ni one??

I always look happy? Sometimes I feel that I'm cheating myself, but even the smile just come out like that. When people ask me 'Are you very happy today?' sometimes I dunno how to answer, coz I wasn't really that happy...so I just answered 'It's good to smile!' then the couple just said 'Yeah, you look really happy.' And they smiled too :) well well, I realised that I keep talking about my smiles recently, but people are the ones who keep telling me... sometimes I wish I could change some of the smiles with tears.

I hate it when I have to wait for the bus alone or when I walk back from work. It's the time when my brains keep working! Usually on stupid things, the impossibles...or maybe sometimes the truth, I dunno...sometimes I wish I could dream on, sometimes I wish I would knock my head and wake up ^_^ But life itself is a dream. Good dreams, bad dreams. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.


31/8/2006 00:07
Darling it's your birthday. I've another something for you. Just found it tonite and remembered that I saved it for your 24th birthday while seeing my photos just now... it's actually something I wrote like 3 or 4 years back, haha. It's like been years I'm not there to celebrate with you liao... miss you la =.=

Today :) heehee...just counting. For myself. Gonna record everyday, kekeke.

Okies, back to sien sien assignment...while everybody else is out there counting down. I hear fireworks, but can't see wo. Zhun-zhun I'm facing the wall. They're all shouting MERDEKA!!! Walao eh, still got youngsters so cinta Negara one oh. Haha. Reminds me of the 远征 we had to shout Merdeka 10 times at Padang Merdeka. Hahaha.

MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!! Hehe...i don't mind shouting this year coz Malaysia's 49 years old!! Beautiful age!! MERDEKA!!!


31/8/2006 22:10
Today at work everyone was really happy. Haha. Perfecto!!
Came yen's place to search internet info, then chat with long lost jac & penny. How nice.


1/9/2006 21:18
I accidentally slept at about 2am after bath and viewing old photos. Woke up 8am sharp with no alarm's help. Feeling really bad. Luckily I remembered it's kim's bday today. It's like few days I'm quite ok already, but the terrible mood is back today. Went to work feeling bad, met a taxi driver yang cakap banyak pula. Wilson said I looked not energetic today. Blah. Also had a jab today. Goodness sake. Why of all days choose today? Needle foebia eh. Went with Boywin the new guy, who's also a needle foebia. Ngai ti. Luckily it wasn't too terrible, but my hand feels abit 'soft' now. He tells us that we can call him Boy, which I think sounds weird if I call him Boy. Chinese who doesn't look Chinese. ChewLing might be leaving soon...the girl who always has a British accent when talking to customers.

Next mission: Stay awake till I finish my assignment. /cry. No choice, tomorrow due ^_^


2/9/2006 3:32
世界有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
有没有别人跟我一样很想被安慰
我还不清楚怎样的速度符合这世界变化的脚步
用我的双眼在梦想里找路
该问路的时候我不会装酷
下起雨也要勇敢前进
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑 欲下雨 天黑黑 黑黑
---孙燕姿

Just to release some tension, i guess :>

I’ve always been a baby at home..so dependent on all the people I love, but now I’m forcing myself to be brave..is this right?
I’m actually very scared to face all these circumstances alone…but how else can I act so as not to make my loved ones more worried?
I hate to make decisions, but realised that sometimes I’m actually making a lot of decisions on my own and behalf of others already, and they just follow without complaints. Thanx :)
I hate being the middle-person, but can’t decide on which side to stand on. Maybe i'm too greedy? I hate this me. but i hate conflicts more.
I have problems telling my feelings, but I’m trying hard.
I like my big hand and long fingers, but why some people keep telling me it’s unlucky? Please, you don’t have to tell me. Lucky or unlucky, I’m born to be.
Daddy & mummy is very proud that I’m born on the day I’m born, coz there’re special reasons behind…so of coz I like my birth date too. And my birthdays always seem to be wonderful. I love April.
I’m feeling so cold right now I don’t feel like writing anymore. Better sleep to have more energy to face new challenges tomorrow.
I don't know why i'm writing this, just spontaneously. And very out of topic. Haha.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I miss my best friends so much...
Life is so devastating without the bestest friends around...
especially during bad times...
Although you know that they're always supporting you,
but still, they're really far far away...
i wish i could feel their presence more...
which means i have to dream more.
aiyo...people ah...people...
why can people miss people so much???

Gie is dowN......

can u believe it? it's the first time in my life i drank a whole can of Heineken beer on my own!! burping non-stop, haha. mum is surprised as i just took a can from the fridge and told her but didn't explain anything. she didn't stop me either. hmmm. i don't know why i'm feelin' like that. well..actually i kinda know too. hai~ ignore this post whoever's reading this. it's just duhh.

Yeah, yeah!!

hehehe!!! just here to announce that i'm going home TODAY!!! Yeah!! Yeah!! i'm so excited!! and still not sleeping in this early morning! only sien that i'm flying alone la...anyways, as long as i'm going home!! That's the priority HAPPINESS :> hohoho

shopping?? NO!!

When would this happen? wooo...recently like not a single mood to go shopping. can u imagine, walking 20mins & taking a train all the way to Midvalley, then walk for an hour plus, then decided to take the train back & walk another 20mins home. pathetic. but i really didn't have the mood to shop. i didn't even try a shirt! or should say i didn't even step into a "shirt shop". juz busy looking for mama's ear-rings. then daddy's & yen's "bak-kua". fuiyo~ i juz had to say NO to shopping. hmm...might be different if my shopaholic sista is here? haha.

Sunway Lagoon

Yen & Mexen decided to go Sunway Lagoon b4 their finals. So me & Eugene were to join the fun!! hehe. our so-called warm-up is the roller-coaster! which was quite SYOK, good warm-up!! It seems that i'm always going to Sunway Lagoon in 4. That time, yeh, joo, quan & me. now us 4. Much have been renovated & it's more fun now. yeah!! except for the Pirate Ship...i prefer the old one. Oh ye, the two tigers became very lively! Sad thing we didn't bring a camera. duhh...eugene & mexen thought i'd bring, and yen & me thought he'd bring!! what a coincidence??

SUPER emotional day :(

Today’s my last day working in this kinder. I’m sad to leave, actually. But I know I’m leaving for good reasons, no regrets hopefully. Everybody there seems to be sadder than I am, crying and crying. I talk, they just look at me. I try to laugh & joke, but finding myself to be just an idiot clowning alone. I say bye-bye, hit me. I hug them, cry. Sayang them, cry more. What should I do? I just won’t cry. I seem to always cry for no reasons, and can’t cry when the chances come. I’m a weirdo. Hah.

This whole week I really could feel the sad departure…I actually drew a book for my kids!! And gave them each a copy with 3pages of photos in front…I’m really so happy to see them appreciating it so much...flipping & flipping the book, reading it, colouring it, making it crumpled, pointing at my face & laugh, searching for their own faces……it was such a pleasure, a warm feeling. I felt the bond between me & them. I love them. And it’s great to feel the love back. As for the adults, I gave them each a card, written my true feelings & even some confessions. Haha, it just came out as I wrote.

I had quite a few presents… some sweet, some cute, and one really sad. i'll show the sad doggie.

sad eh? the eyes of this doggie is really like filled with tears! whoever invented this?? omigosh...

when it was really rime to leave, the worst part was Eria crying like it's the end of the world. she's the only one who felt it. others might just think i'm joking or whatever, most won't even understand la. what do you expect from a bunch of 3 and a half year olds? But Eria wouldn't let me go & They had to grab her. that was REALLY sad. then NadiAAA gave me the biggest kiss i've ever had in my whole life. a really big & heavy kiss on my left cheek until my teeth hurts abit. wowhh!!

From these 9-months experience, i've grown a little again. heh. well, usually i'd think that i'm someone really small in this world, it doesn't matter whether i exist or not. Well, now i think my existence is important. hehe. family wise, i'm important! girlfriend wise, ermm..i hope. friend wise, yea, i think so. think i've the power for keeping friends being friends.(if u understand, heh) colleague wise, yep. but the thing i've gotta sacrifice is being the middle-person. kinder-teacher wise, i think i'm improving.

All these years i always feel that how much better it'd be if some part of me was like XXX or XXX or whoever. i dunno what's good about me. But through workforce, i've mixed with all kinds of ppl, mostly elder than me, and realised that some ppl are hoping to be like me? i dunno, but i feel weird, especially when they talk to me about it! "How can you be so ...... as a young girl? ......" But now i know that being my real self is the best, and always will be. (i should have known, and i knew, but never really trusting it) silly me, coz some ppl are actually appreciating the real me :) especially yindeh, yeh, kim, joo & bendie. and thanx for knowing me more than i know myself, sometimes.

= nadiAAA & hAAAngie =

Angie, hangie, pangie, kanjie, tangie, fangie pudding n pie..
kissed d boys n then al die..
wen d boys cme out 2 play..
c c al of them were gay!

Supposedly a nursery rhyme:
Georgie Porgie pudding & pie,
Kissed the girls & made them cry,
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away!

Most ppl call her Nad or juz Nadia. She said I’m the only one calling her NadiAAA. So she decided to call me hAAAngie. Okie dokies, I dun mind.

It’s NadiAAA’s birthday today. She’s taken leave coz it’s her birthday. How nice eh? “birthday leave”. Used to her being absent anyways. Haha. I don’t know why I never get angry though I had to take over her work & be very tired & had to shout a lot sometimes due to their hyper-activeness. Maybe I’m the only one there knowing the real reasons she’s taking leaves? Maybe only I tried putting myself in her situation? Maybe I enjoyed fully taking over the class once in a while? Or maybe I’m just being silly or good? Whatever.

Great poem!!

This poem was nominated for the best poem of 2005, written by an African kid.

When I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go and sun, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black.
And when I die, I still black!
And you white fella,
When you born, you pink.
When you grow up, you white.
When you go and sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue.
When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green.
And when you die, you grey.
And you calling me colored??

What a puzzle?
Four-piece puzzle.
Turn from every angle,
Just to make it single!
Giggle gaggle,
Wiggle waggle...
Doodle doodle,
Cannot twinkle!
Four-piece puzzle,
What a puzzle!

when i'm sad,
i get mad, or even bad!
i had to write in my EROS pad,
but wad the heck?
i dunno how to write, suddenly.
i want my dad,
and i need me lad...
why aren't you by me side?

the idiot and the idiotic XXX

love to smile. yea. but at the correct time. yea.
today has been a tough day. i finally said it out! omigosh. should feel like something big has been released. but no, tension juga. it's only the first day since i said it and i'm already feeling so terrible. i never knew that i was such a big influence to them. something to feel proud of, but makes me sad-der to leave too. some more today a 3yr-old came with a chocolate cake specially for teacher angie!! i'm not even his class teacher! (only spending the afternoon-one-hours with him!) asked him why gimme the cake. "coz u like mah." then he juz kept smiling. i was too happy to even talk. i only remembered that i scolded him till he cried and hit me that day. all i can manage that time was a hug for him.

well, in the car. jane was crying. terkejut, then all the way home i dunno what to say. went to pick up her fren, and she made me join her yam-cha. so i ended up sitting on the coffee table with an ahpek & 2 ahmu(s). burrRP!! after that i walked home. i smiled to the first thing i saw on the way back. only that the other party was looking at me as if "who the hell are you?" only i realised that he was a CAT!! hahaha :D i smiled to a cat??? omigosh~ can't believe it mien!!! i smiled to a totally black idiotic cat!!! well, should say that i'm the idiot =P

reached home and i got another bday necklace from mexen & boyboy. ma said nai gimme angpow today gok, but at home la. lee cheche gave me a shirt exactly like hers pula 2 days ago. wow, this year's birthday is lonnnnnnnnnng! celebrated since the 2nd. wooooooohoo~

little little hopes

like you wrote:
fragile is the tiny heart
as strong as it tries to be
longing only for a soft reflection
but blankness creeps in silently

how nice if these little little hopes of ours bloomed more often?

Angie, your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

hah, this is the result from the Tickle test. and i like it :)

i want ME back!!

"The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much." -- William Hazlitt
i just saw that quote and learnt a new word, endure. art of life wor. so kelian one ah. enjoy little, endure much. haiih.

Many things seem to be happening these two weeks. some are bad, but there're good ones. but i dunno why i'm just feeling not right. others might not realise but i can feel the stupid idiotic fake smile myself. yerrr~ why like dat?! i don't like this ME. please get me back... :(

For now, i can only sum up everything i've learned about life in three words: it goes on.

给我力量！

2006年3月24日。你好吗？我不好。竟敢朦喳喳到差点给电单车撞倒！感觉上一整个礼拜都不好，不过却一副若无其事的老模样。相信在这陌生的地方没有人会看穿我。

忽然一直期待、从来听不厌的信息声响了……“多微笑少苦恼，若不笑心浮燥，胡乱笑没必要，开心笑心境好，苦心笑人易老，欺人笑少为妙，会心笑有礼貌，成功笑不骄傲，如何笑心知道，愿你快乐每一天。”有时很讨厌fwd msg，不过这封好像来得正好。看了蛮安慰的。他说昨天第一次看我发脾气。莫名其妙，做么会酱说？你骂我。哈哈，有吗？（回想昨天）谁叫你miscall错时间啊？活该。我只说再惹我的话我会骂人啊，哈哈。

上课时简直不能专心。一gang七个，只有两个到。我们还是答应对方会出席才去的咧，她生病，我心情超down累死。不过很高兴彼此可以发泄啦，毕竟目前她与我遭遇差不多，比较了解彼此心情。

谢谢有安全巴士。回来后在小亭里坐着讲电话。地板多肮脏也不管了，只知道我非常需要那一股力量！他的魔力就是这么神奇。原本要说的很多东西，很多都没说出口。一瞬间，烦恼很多都被无聊的埋怨声和笑声掩盖了。没有特别的话题，却能感到那份温暖。这时候的时间总是过得很快……我忘记跟妈妈报平安！结果被骂到爽。

宵夜。应该是晚餐吧。回来这里，就是准备倾听她的烦恼。习惯了。不过无所谓，只要我拿回了力量 ：）

look young vs look matured

hmm...some ppl juz love to look mature, but me, only at times. coz most of the time i prefer to look young! but there're situations when u feel awkward or dunno how to even react. e.g.
-- going out with a friend your same age, then a person daringly said that your friend looks like 25yr-old, and kept calling you 小妹妹, how's that feeling?
-- out with a fren whom ppl said is your brother. even with real siblings ppl seldom said we look alike. one said i'm his older sister, one said i'm his younger sister. so???
-- ppl guessing your age, like dun dare to guess. there's one experience a woman ask her kids to call me "aunty-che che". (coz i was with my colleague and they're 40+) omigosh. please la. can't forget that.

well, well, whatever. most importantly, be happy. and feel young :)

Funny Quote!

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap." --- Bob Hope
haha, just thought it was funny. so wrote it down.

today's the last class of this module and next week's my exam. haiih. well, i was squeaking with excitement when i got the timetable for the next module! haha. coz...coz....i won't have classes on Sundays for the following 2 months!! How wonderfuL!! Friday nights are off too! Saturdays 9 to 6 as usual lo. Kesian some of my frens lo, haha. can't imagine 9 to 5pm every Sunday studying LAN M'sian studies. had to laugh. coz while they're yawning in class, i might be wandering around having fun! or at least snuggling in bed. haha.

do you often have moments when u saw something and you thought of someone? well, i ALWAYS. it's good and bad. like today, i saw a niu niu then i suddenly remembered of yaya. called to ask Ben the exact date & it's today. still in time to wish her happy bday :) but most of the time those 'whatever' things make you miss that person so much although all the happy memories again appears like it's just YESTERDAY.

my kissing monkeys

These are my kissing monkeys at home. supposedly to give out one but thought they were too cute to be separated. and i found a really good place for them. my cupboard. would have attached the video if i knew how to. everyone who saw the live show would laugh and love it. haha. muakss~~

i just seem to start thinking of home again. anything that resembles home. okies, nitey. goodnite kiss ^*^

Fridays vs Mondays

Well, most people would love Fridays and not Mondays. they call it Monday blues. as for me, both days are not as great. Mondays i gotta wake up too early to wait. Fridays are tiring, especially when there're night classes, and when i have to look for ppl to send me home. won't dare to take the late bus anymore ^_^ one time scary experience is enough. i just hate to be alone.

Nadia took MC on Friday, and David scared my life off. how could he? bringing his emotions to the class, sighing all day long. and even asked me to do such a thing! unbelievable. 22 in a class, shout until i wanna die. help la, sit there got what use wor. how can my dear voice ever recover wor? sometimes i think i'm really too low-paid la, just because the college introduced me as a student, i had to work more but get less pay compared to them? so unfair. the older ppl are all good to me, just that sometimes i dunno whether i should trust them. sometimes i think i'm too soft-hearted, putting myself in a dilemma. since i made my decision to leave after May, i better. cannot xin ruan all the time. joo said, "learn to be good to yourself." ying said, "learn to stand for yourself. i can't be your 24h angel." i always remembered these.

That Friday nite was the boring class, and again Saturday whole day. i couldn't stand and was kinda sleeping. really can't open my eyes. Her lectures...hard to understand, boring & telling jokes that are not funny at all. we purposely chose a table for only 4 during lunch. she sat with us 2times already, and even lunch wasn't fun. so we decided to be bad today, she really did came by, (eh, today no extra place ah?), we juz smiled, haha. sorrylah, bopien. have to see her whole day, at least give us 1hr without her ma. aduhh. go join the old group la, why join us young gang wor?

I always take the bus & has made it a habit to add the numbers everytime i took the ticket. there was one day when i had 21 for all the 3times i took the bus on the same day! it was said that it'd be your lucky day. i had 21 again this morning. i don't know if it really makes your day lucky, and is even more not sure if the luck can be transferred to your loved ones. haha. but one thing i'm sure, it makes me happy. i'm always happy when i got 21.

better sleep. tomoro got drama class. kakaka.

The day after valentine's...

I woke early but was lazing in bed, until i cannot resist the smell of laksa. i decided to drive, so i don't have to think so much. after 2 weeks of enjoyment & relaxation at home, it's like the most dreadful thing going back to work! berat hati, but i always acted cool during departures, only silly yindeh made me cry like stupid before when she left. xxxx ah. well i had yummy laksa for breakfast, and kueh chap lunch with daddy. the food wasn't great, but it's the feeling eating with only daddy, daddy-daughter chats i just enjoy so much! I thought I'd cry this time, but nope! daddy gave me a hug and soon i was waving to him 10m apart. berat hati lah.

now i'm alone. gate A8. long way. i went to the toilet & dropped my NOKIA, internally not injured but had cuts on the side of its face. my BODY GLOVE trousers' button came off too. what bad luck. then i went the wrong way, coz the arrow was pointing forward but you actually should walk down the stairs. ishhh. when i reached gate A8, two little twin sisters (i supposed 2yr+) suddenly came up to me smiling then use their botles as guns to shoot me. pong pong pong! then they laugh. then their parents laugh. then i laugh. weird la. after that it's boring waiting until it's time to board.

this was how. hot sun. first time see the plane so near, so just took a picture. haha. well, it was a boring flight. i was sleeping most of the time, but towards the end my ear and neck felt uncomfortable so i started noticing ppl around me. i didn't manage to get a seat by the window. the lady beside me was sleeping, but the guy was opening his legs so big, hands already at my place, had to close my legs so tight so he cannot accidentally touch my thigh. (not that i think too much, but he did and i am a thigh-itchy-freak! i nearly wanted to scream at him.) the flight reached 10mins earlier. but waited for the luggage quite long too. jane's husband came late, so i read Rong's letter. (he said i could only read it when i reach KL, so i kept my promise) here it is:

hahaha, i laughed so hard when i read it. he's always so cute when you're not with him. if not, monsta is the only word to describe this little brother!

Finally i was fetched up after almost an hour. it was raining really heavily. dunno it's the ahpek eyes or what, (though the wipers are ot really good la) he drove so dangerously my heart was thumping. i had to open my eyes so big to see the roads for me, uncle here uncle there. got car ah. aiyer. it was quite weird alone with him in the car too. it seems normal during quiet moments with family members & dearer friends, but with him...awkward la. nearly met with an accident too, coz he was driving on the opposite lane and din hear me. the van was right in front of us! scared my life off @@

well, at least i got the chance to get to subang first b4 going to jane's house. but guess what, i haven't had time to even rest awhile, Yen was ready and we went down to Asia cafe straight away. she wanted us to escape the fussy owner. chatted and had dinner. but the owner was still here, so we had to go to the comic shop to waste time. so tired la, but still had to read. 2 comics i read. then finally can come back. dunno how i walk, i fell down 2 steps off the stairs, and got a beautiful bruise on my higher butt. back bath. so tired. jane called pula, said she's coming in 10mins. what the hell?! her fren came in Merz with her to pick me to her house. gossips, gossips, gossips. and her daughter kacau kacau my things liao. omigosh. they finally left me alone at 12am, but till then i couldn't sleep though i was so tired. yindeh asked me to think of the 19candles, but it was raining so hard, doesn't suit the mood. i miss the smell of my comfy bed(their smell so strong, ewww), miss talking to yindeh till we fell aslept, and miss hugging my NiCi to sleep too. i miss him. but i slept too in the end, dunno what time la.

not before long at about 5:30am, i had to wake up again. opened my eyes to realise that i'm in another world again, far away from home sweet home ^^ i miss you all. all take care ya!

The Believer

When you are a Believer, anything is possible. Your imagination is fresh with promises and dreams. Your heart is a happier place knowing they will someday come true.

7th February

today i had to wake early to follow dad. omigosh, i asked my sis how we could ever wake up during school days?! that was like reach school 7am? if got RC duty, then...wow!! how could i do that in kuching? hoho. different life. 7am is my usual time in KL, exception of some extraordinaries...well, daddy brought me for laksa as i wished, we sat down & realised that the laksa stall was closed! mum asked dad to go another shop. haha. so dad actually stood up & brought us to another shop! unfortunately, that stall was again closed. i paiseh to ask dad go another shop la, so i had mee jawa. 4times oredi lo. 1st time is when the 4 of us went Green Road to eat. no laksa. yesterday went with yeh to ChunYuan also no laksa. kolo-mee for replacement. luckily the kolo-mee was nice :)

replaced my ATM card, and i asked for an account book, but they said the newer accounts no need account books one. so weird. after that, i came home. got Nadia's call, from the kindy. and the kids were singing for me, and the call ended with the kids altogether saying, "Teacher Angie, we want you! we love you!" omigosh, they just sound sooo cute. i miss them too, but definitely not my workplace. these kids...they're adorable. how would it be having kids of my own in the future? hehehe, nice thinking about it at times.

after that i went to sleep and accidentally skipped lunch. siaw chabo. woke up to tidy & vacuum & mop my room. then CJ invited me to Kenny Height family park. Had my hands on the bike once again, after a really long time! only 15mins (but non-stop) then it started to rain, we went uphill in the drizzles...abit wet but it was fun. when i got down the bike, i felt like i was flying, my legs were so soft i nearly fell down. haha. too long no exercise, that's it. the sweat made me feel 爽！

dad & mum came home. durians. helped to carry & stupiadd. the torns on the durian left my upper calf with 5 scratches. ouchh. had dinner. watched ying's favourite korean movie <对不起，我爱你>。it's stupid but it still captures your attention. Ben always came in when they started to kiss. and it makes him excited, haha, that's what we kacau him. CJ used his toenail to scratch my thigh. a little piece of skin came off. then he laid his head on my thighs, enjoying being a baby. then dreadful Rong came jumping on us. ying & me were saying, "How can we ever grow up in this family? having so little brothers at home, having to act childish & fight with them almost everyday?"

every advertisement me & dee were like checking our phones for messages. dunno, juz today, like we're desperate waiting for mails. my phone seems quiet, except few messages from Jac & Yen. so i smsed ying when she wa still i dad's room, "Stupiad XXXX, i noe u gonna check your phone now! =P" so i went down to get water. when i came up my message tone rang, i knew it was her, but she pretended to look so innocent. blah. lousy actor lah. actually U look funny!! haahaha!!

played around with my new camera. got a good shot of daddy wanting to smack Rong. but he said it'll spoil his image, so he tickled me & got the camera over, just to delete it! notty dadda!! online. shan said yeh just offline, then awhile she also gone, left me with her sis. blablabla...i'm not gonna elaborate this part. boring.

well, actually i was juz trying to see how much i can write for a day. not purposely thinking, just writing spontaneously. coz i realised that my mails are always the longest but i dunno why. juz type nia ma. lo-so gie. quite a lot to write for today too. call it a day. gotta sleep liao...zzzZ...

quotes i like...

You can take a road that gets you to the stars.
I can take a road that will see me through :)

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. ---Bill (4yr-old)

The most beautiful things in the world can neither be seen nor touched, just felt in the heart. --- Helen Keller

The happiest people are those who seem to have no particular reason for being happy, except that they are so.

SEVEN minus one

Get to know the differences between impairment, disabilities vs handicap, disabilities vs difficulties. this lecturer actually took around half an hour to explain this! "Don't ever misuse these terms!" i'm actually a handicap tonite. (not gonna explain here)

hmm...my dear family back in Kuching was having their supper at Pizza Hut! must be again mummy's idea. dad juz love her to have a round apple face and he loved the photo with her sexy belly! hohoho ~~~ mum called and said, "Juz suddenly miss you coz there's an empty seat here. SEVEN minus one." i know... i miss them so much too =.= feel like flying back straight away to get my share of family's pizza!!

but guess wat i was doing right then? haha, PACKING. packing new clothes into the briefcase, ready to go home. i was actually tidying up the room la, so might as well pack first! 19 days. should be fast! mum and dad were laughing heads over heels, but another woman out there was saying "siaw mian-mian". who else?? sms la. peace. haha :P

CORNTOS

Once you’ve tasted Corntos, there’s no going back. It reveals a new pleasure you never would’ve thought possible. Call it excitement. Call it sheer thrill. Call it anything you want. Corntos opens you to a new world of flavours. It’s an experience that you’ll want to enjoy over and over again. Corntos. Try it, you’ll see the light.

'alone time'

i heard an adult tell another busy adult saying, "Don't you think you need some 'alone time'? free from everyone, doing anything you like or just nothing!" I did it right after that. the next day. and i really enjoyed it. it's not the loneliness you feel when you're alone. (coz i hate to be alone) it's just that little time you need just for YOURSELF. i went to Midvalley an hour or two on my own, walking the mall as i wish. it's the only time i feel that i have a sense of direction. hah. WALKING IS THE BEST REMEDY FOR STRESS. i think.

only after that only i met up with frens. and he asked me why i was wearing spects once he saw me. alamak. and you know what the kids at the kinder said? once i wiped my spects and juz hang it on my shirt to play with them. then a girl asked me why i wasn't wearing my spects. "you look like...(thinking)...a monster." i laugh till wanna pengsan. and purposely went forward towards her with my eyes wide open! (but still small, haha)

hmm...one thing you have to experience is squishing each other in the train!! just imagine. it's totally packed. every space is occupied!! and when that somebody farted, you still have to stand on your spot, giving your nose a GOOD treat!! humph!

oh ya, i found another way to release stress. eat 开心果。it's called PISTACHIOS. and i like the name. sounds special. pis(stress,stress, piss off! i wanna...) ta(big--mandarin) chio(laugh--hokkien). then take a long shower. haha, ignore the translation. i'm just being crazy. but it's what i did and thought of when i ate 开心果 just now. coz i just heard that tomoro i might have to go work ^_^