my dear Yew Juin...
can you please stop giving me an emotional breakdown? You always cause me feeling so sorry when it's not really my fault but half my fault. i was so sorry but it was hard for me to apologize to her. i felt so bad :( how could you be so fast? it's just a few seconds i'm away! you cause a foebia in me, seeing you around. you won't know how cute you looked when you first came, the two of you with bald heads, looking totally identical, talking in your own world in your own languages. i got to know you both were ADHD and what an exposure i have! i spent 2weeks to observe you two and really sat down to just look at both of you. and i managed to finally identify both of you. nobody at school can identify you both yet, i feel proud to say so. but now i know, you both look so different!

you really can drive me crazy! i bit my lips so many times because i was so frustrated at that time and i couldn't hit you. i quietly scolded you "bulldog" in my heart, making use of the effective word CJ taught us. when you climbed the piano and stood up there singing so happily, i nearly died of heart attack. when you messed up the whole place and get me to grab the wriggly you to pack up my muscles grew by a few inches. when i see you putting everything in your mouth i nearly vomitted. when you peed and pooed at first i felt like spanking you. when you bit my butt my finger and my thigh, i nearly felt like strangling you. how can you just bite so easily? you just cant control!! but i've seen you tried and i know how much effort you've put to control that. you';re a total opposite of me here. i felt so much like biting that someone once last year, but i had too much self-control. i just couldn't put my teeth together to bite that flesh! sometimes i wish i was more spontaneous like you. but please...please...please...work hard!! we'll help you all we can.

however with all your mischieve, you always melt my heart in so many ways!! i wonder i'm really that soft, but i don't feel so. you're all just so special. you melted my heart when you suddenly come and hug me. you gave me a really wet kiss when we sang the song! you suddenly jumped on my back and nearly strangled me. you pulled my hand to see what you have made, i can't understand, but will appreciate it. you made me so happy when you suddenly speaked something out without knowing it yourself! i was so amazed when i actually heard you singing for the first time! the way you looked at me when i washed your hands. the way you said bye-bye like an adult in a manly voice. the longest 2minutes you managed to sit on my lap, singing and dancing with me. you looked at me for no reason and suddenly run and jumped up to just hug me so tight! how did you do that jump?! i fell down but was laughing out really loud. you monster.

whatever, monster. please just control...for the sake of a bumblebee...i love you...

hmm...it's a nightmare for a person to remember you because once long time ago you dropped your bun on the floor and that person saw you pick it up and peel off the skin and eat the bun? thank god i did not blow it and eat it! mien, what a nightmare! well, it's nice having ppl to look forward to while chatting on msn. so far i have 7. it's just the happy feeling when you see them online, no matter you're actually chatting, or talking crap, or just having "the silence"...hah...

suddenly there's so much work to do...house, college, work, mind, friends... i'm starting to feel breathless... and i'm actually starting my individual & group assignments, and my piling reports!! and plannign ahead for arts & crafts for the children. and my lessons. and plans to release catharsis. at these times, i always think of the beach, and somewhere i can shout out really loud. i dreamt of myself crying last night, how stupid. but again, i dunno what's the reason. issit that it's so hard for me to cry that i had to express it in my dreams? that'd be so pathetic!! just cry it out, baby! BUT HOW?!

oh, help me help me...

okie here i am with my busy life again. The first day of college was like: I'm a student again!! How nice!! and having carmen as your lecturer is really fun :) somemore i had my OAD results, Sam's paper!! everyone's nightmare...but incredibly i had an A+!! and it's my first A+ in Dika!! mien, how excited. how happy. how glad. how amazing! how...(whatever...all the good words you can put in now! haha) in a day, i had KimGary, Kenny Rogers & Asia Cafe's famous Lala & Clam!! wowh! bloated. and it's 070707. most ppl say 7 is a very good number. a good day for me though!

and today. gosh, elp!! we're having Sam again this sem. bored, bored, bored. i actually slept in class after the lunch hour. i tried to open my eyes but...I REALLY TRIED. the thing is, i'm sitting right in front of Sam. this sem both classes we had are small classes, consisting only the 10 of us! so duhh, damn obvious, Angie is dozing off. when i finally stared at the screen in front, she said, "you guys want a break?" i know it's tiring esp after lunch. you also know!! but thanx for indirectly referring to me. haha. sorry la.

tonite i get to online. at home! haha. thanx to FengHui actually. bcoz of her, i got to know my other 2 china housemates better. we went out for the great movie together, went shopping & ate together. i was with them, and realised that i had a little china slang when talking to them too. are our tongues so flexible? they said i speak my chinese well. HAHA. really?? they said it's hard to communicate with West M'sians. said they always cant understand. HAHA. thanx to CHMS1 then :) how i miss my old school days!!

got back in touch with an old primary classmate. he said suddenly felt like finding old frens. but how come i'm the first he found? haha. CJ gave my number without asking who he is! what a brother! he remembers me as "the family girl". wow. and all i can recall is his plump body and his name which is read differently in chinese & english. but he described himself as "i was on the heavy side before." interesting way to say it! hehe. nice feeling finding back so called "forgotten" friends. okies for now!