byebye 2008!

this new year's eve was rather calm. i chose to stay at home. mum wanted to eat out, but in the end us girls decided to just get something from outside and cook the rest. have a nice dinner at home rather than squeezing with the crowd, finding for a place to park and sit! it was a nice feeling having your clothes stained with the smell of the cooking oil, the heat coming out from the pans, the sound and scent once you throw something inside the wok.... and guess mommy has forgotten how wonderful it is for mother and daughter to be in the kitchen, preparing dishes for the family... i really miss that though i never told her. last time at Kenyalang, there was so much freedom we could be so ourselves, in our long-long-connected-rooms. it was small but it feels more like a real home....

new year resolutions? i never had that tradition only when i was forced to write an essay about it. haha.

but this coming 2009, study smart, work hard, play hard!
a new challenge, a new me:)

my vacation 15.12.08 - 24.12.08

my vacation is over. 9 days. over. these nine days were so so fully packed, meeting all different gangs of buddies. really do miss them all!! even accidentally got to meet my ex-kids and get a few more extra hugs, haha.
为了给自己一个答案,我居然答应了见他,一直以来就是需要这种肯定心里才会安心.我自己决定自己放弃很自私不公平但我还能怎样...你说我残忍我想太多我逃避我不给自己机会.你才是,这么固执!我真的不会处理善后,但真心希望你会过得好好的.我真的很好很好.
meeting mexen and yen next was a really nice feeling i dunno how to explain. it's like back to w-3years back, being in subang. we had the craziest moments together, taking the silliest pictures but enjoying ourselves so much. it felt like we were flying when we're at the cable car, then walking along the bridge. until almost when it's coming back from langkawi, can feel the tense situation like few years back also. im again in the middle. but it was ok after we got back in KL again. phew.
那晚跟璇在Bintang Walk喝星巴克绿茶冰沙,聊到不知天不知地,感觉好像以前半夜和奶茶聊心事,很温馨.聊到不想回酒店了.半夜在那两条街上半夜漫步,一点也不清静,超多人的!我们手牵手的就像小孩很舍不得隔天就分开.很多很多的秘密就只有你我知道.因为告诉你感觉最舒服了.想念你了.
then i met mummy ju. i called her mummy, for the first time after she acknowledged herself as mummy to me. it felt warm, it felt nice. it's her who always gives me that hug, the firm firm hug. it's our only magic that works wonders. yes mummy, i'll always remember:)
and jamie, i've always wanted a little sister when i was young. but never knew you could click to me so well. haha. learn to be yourself, dont force yourself too hard. you're good for who you are!! i always feel so "old" when i talk to you, cos you always make me give advices like these.........
wai nee, inn shin, thanks for helping:)
then i met saji. staying at her house was a total new experience. i felt at home, and it's some kind of feeling i desire to have at my own house... all to yourself. though i do not understand what they're talking when they started their Punjabi lah. haha. best college friend now, and also first friend inDIka. dunno why did WL avoid all of us for no reason at all!! thanks leng leng for meeting in a rush. and it was nice of christie to bring us to Asia Cafe. i really miss that place. hoho.
then all nine days were just gone like that. so fast. im back in kuching again. and i lost 2kg. hahaha. exhausted.

another christmas!!

looking at my profile pict right beside here, another christmas is already coming!!! last year 2007 i was excitedly exploring each malls in KL, comparing which has the most impressing atmosphere for christmas. and ended up i liked almost all as each of them gives me a different "wow" feeling. this year 2008, im creating my own atmosphere in school and my class, and trying to provide my kids with the most unforgettable xmas experience, and actually for the benefits of myself...these few last days in LL, i already miss them^.^ but... im still going to repeat last year's routine...hehehe...KL, wait for me!!! oh yah, and i just realised to be a handsome Santa, you really need the tummy!!! im still too thin for the costume. wakaka:D

12/12. again with departures. photo-shootings, huggings, kissings, partying and pressie-ing. it's my last day of official working day with the kids, and that feeling...so heavy. we had a meeting, when ms. tan gave everyone a mystery treasure hunt xmas pressie, unpredictably all handbags. from ms. tan??!! handbags mien!! so not her. and me, she said cos im leaving, i dont deserve to have one. she's been "bullying" me the whole day... until everyone got theirs, only she said there's another farewell gift. and there, i had mine. they all were expecting me to cry i think, cos they've seen me hugging the kids here and there the whole morning. but stiff-heart-angie, did really feel her heart pumping, beating faster and dripping inside, just that the tears usually are so brave they dont roll out. "issit good or bad" is no longer a question to ask, cos that's the inner uncontrollable angie.

but one thing, putting departures aside, i actually dont think i can really settle in one place for a long long time... it's always challenging to work in a whole new alien place, and when you finally get the smooth flow and the hang of it, it's time to leave and start a new life all over again. maybe it's because for the 3-4yrs i've been working, this has been my style. complaining is just to reease tension. but yah, i like new stuffs:) and i like what im doing. so yah, for the next 3years, i hope something special is waiting for me to venture!! a-boooo-kit!!!

any word that relates to "FRUST"!!!!

GKO is making me SO ANGRY!!! im gnashing my teeth. frustrated. irritated. infuriated. annoyed. maddened. exasperated. furious. enraged. outraged. cheesed off!!! and i wanna eat CHEESE!!!!!! why no cheese at home???

dreaming of you..........

i woke super early today, wanting to wash my hair...but i fell back, and there you appeared in my dream! i noticed you but was half hiding away from you, but you saw me and excitedly called me, then i was in a rush running off telling you that we shall meet again soon. sometimes i feel that dreams are really amazing, making a person so damn creative! well, in this case, does it sub-conciously reminds me that i'm missing you? actually i am... sigh sigh sigh. so are you gonna appear soon or will you keep me wait-wait-waiting? i grrrr u.

self-indulgements? heh:>

can you imagine having strong water for bathing after 3days? i nearly wanted to shower forever. it just felt so refreshing, so nice. scrub with Satsuma till bubbles froth, and the scent, ever so relaxing! for the past few days it just felt like camping, but there, many amusing camping memories came to mind. i miss camping laaa....

i went shopping alone after work last monday. and i bought a pair of heels and a purply-pinky shirt. hehe. then i saw my heels in the magazine that day. it just looked wonderful, and that feeling??? shuang dao. haha. alone time is needed sometimes:)

did hair rebonding. miss that feeling of waking up and not combing your hair. haha. lazy bum. hahaha. well it feels smooth, but abit flat, and it still stinks, but yah, overall i like the texture of it. just that it's not very obedient now due to its length...

要怎样告诉你啊~?！怎么说都不懂！傻的呀？？

越不想伤害你，越像是会伤你更深。你说你现实，我说你不实际；你说我还小不懂事，我说你这么大了还这么天真。你想要的我给不到也给不了，我真正需要的你却满足不了我。你说的话我有点听烦了，我想说的你又好像没兴趣听，说了你又好像一窍不通。我不能理解你，你也无法了解我。喜欢一个人哪有这么简单啊？！你是怎么想的呀~~~？？

babehs!!!!!

i really miss those times with my bestest friends, having the craziest laughters ever. i call those original special moments? what a phrase, haha. in KL, we have original special moments too, but there are also self-created special moments, and college mates sometimes share more stuffs cos we all stay together and share secrets during late nights. in kuching, life is like too simple, all we do is eat and drink, and sometimes have a walk, then there'll be the cinderella's alarm and we have to run home. so the coming santubong trip is really something to look forward to!! stay overnight talking gossips and have some pillow talks or just lie down to enjoy the stars. the last last trip with kuching buddies i remember was the one at gunung gading, then that valentine's at my house. friends. friends. friends. i miss you all babehs!!!!!! X,X,X,X,X,X,X!!!! HEAR ME NOT???

GO GO GO!!!

it's their day to go on stage!! you cant imagine that kind of pressure, even though i know that you cant pressure the kids too much, but still hope they can really perform their best and let those fussy parents have a 'wow' feeling. it was such a busy night and kinda tiring, cold sweat. but once all was over, i feel so so relieved!! one group was abit cacated, but my was somehow fantastic!:):):) bravo!!! i just felt like my spirit was with them the whole night, and when i see the whole group dancing the first dance i fully choreographed, i just feel 'wow'. haha. heehee. hoho. it was the best dance for the junior group. very happy, very satisfied, very proud:)

PTC

it's PTC again. the day i have to talk till my saliva is dry, and open my ears to hear all kinds of funny stories. meeting parents can make me feel so self-satisfied and happy, but some parents just make me feel like strangling them!! out of 10, 9 are good at least this semester. happy that they like me and tell me how their children talk about me at home. all these are interesting, and sometimes you dont realise what you actually spontaneously did or said, but these little angels just remember all those little stuffs!! today, i finally announced that i'd be leaving next year, as most of them asked if i'd be bringing this group up to N2. it feels really nice to be praised, and being praised is definitely not only a child's wish, haha. but when praised they talk to me about the negatives of my co-workers, and start comapring...this feels bad...well, a few of them wished me best of luck for my future undertakings, and i hope i can be a real someone someday:) i'll miss those lil angel and devils again, wherever i go. i just wonder which child will leave the most memories for me after maybe 10years? haha.

他与她

我竟然为了这么小的事情哭了......他只是把我电话藏起来，还把它换成无声！这天我发着烧心情也够烦，回到家去厨房拿水，记得电话明明在凳子上却不见了，很认真的找，打好多次都没声音，后来小弟不小心露出一点点笑，一气之下什么都不理很大步的跑上房间哭。很多画面在我脑海里越哭越厉害，总觉得他对她不够好，邮电不放心。刚好她进来，我躲在枕头下，不想让她为难。电话终于由小弟送来了，无辜的他被我大喊一顿，他委屈的说“不是我”。我知道啦。我气他这么小气，我气他不够认真，我气他总是让她哭！我要她很很幸福......他真的给得到吗？

work so hard for what?!!

who appreciates you for working so hard? i feel so silly at times though i love my job. im so tired. really tired. have no time at all for myself. so fully dedicated to work. stupid not? should learn to be less responsible like those ppl!

bolat-ness and 感动-ness

bolat-ness of a happy little girl:) i was beat then, but receiving the news of getting a place in AUT definitely brightened me up!! unknowingly someone actually googled bolatness and teased me so long over it. yrrrrr.
today i've been reading about childhood cancer almost all day, reading some interesting stuffs, reading some real life touching stories---how some failed while others survived, watching youtube and how those children fought against cancer, how those parents face their own cencerous kids everyday. it's sad. and also many many organizations which are actually really putting in an effort to help. i want to be a member in this voluntary field one day, but i'll find which i have the real passion for, where im able to do something really useful, rather than only symphatizing ppl...it's what they hate. i really do admire those ppl who helped unconditionally with all their heart...
doing assignments have been abit out of touch...and i kind of lost the mood. but i finally found something i have been looking for ever since i started this project! clicking from one site into another and another and another........and finally you found the thing you want. that feeling...ever so 感动！感动-ness of a puffy-eyed girl @.@ i need a rest now.

love-doughnut

i just couldnt take the smell. i skipped lunch to just come back to have my cool shower. traffic jam. i had 10mins to shower and change, 10mins to eat my biscuits, talked to nai, then rush back to work. havent even got time to sayang Bibi which just got back from the vet. Her eyes were looking at me as if i didnt want to care about her:( it was so so tiring when i got back to work i feel like vomitting, yet still feeling the hunger... at a glance on the trolley, i thought i saw my name. "T. Angie" was written there on the BIG APPLE packet, from Hans. a cheese doughnut was inside. i was so touched at that moment... though i'm not a super fan of doughnuts!! once in awhile i do get something from him, but at that moment it just seemed like heaven. later in the evening, i thanked his mom for the first time as i usually only said it to Hans. only i knew that Hans kinda 'forced' her to buy things for me? gosh... hmm...how should i deal with this? it's a good and bad thing ler......

studying abroad really needs a lot of money. it's scary to count and convert. always knew that money is important, but really realised the importance of money this year round. it's really like what ppl say, no money no talk. cant travel, cant buy house, cant feed children, cant enjoy a luxurious life, ok better say indulging life...cant this cant that. i really really salute to daddy and mummy, never too rich, but being able to raise us 5 and providing us a comfortable life with infinity love is more than anything in the world!!

三个字.难说吗?

我爱你是多么清楚多么坚固的信仰
我爱你是多么温暖多么勇敢的力量
我不管心多伤不管爱多慌不管别人怎么想
爱是一种信仰把我带到你的身旁

谢谢你的温柔
我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于再次长出一个梦
不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明

再冲动一点点我就不闪躲
不过三个字别忧虑这么久
只要你说出口
你就能拥有我

一定要那三个字吗
还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我
想着想着 我还是没信心说出口
对不起

傻瓜...别在意那些话.我不会再要你说了.
等你有天想说你自然会说...我没什么.

想着你的黑夜
想着你的容颜
反反复复孤枕难眠
告诉你一样不成眠
告诉我你也盼我出现

究竟我是怎么了 怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦 可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了 苦了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛到最后苦了以后 也快乐

my darling Hyoun Seok...

my adorable korean boy is leaving tmr. but it felt as if today's the last day. i missed him already while i was packing all his stuffs in school and he seems to sense something. he knows he's leaving. for the past few weeks he was really excited and kept telling me that he's gonna fly with his family. today, he suddenly said, "teacher, i bring you to s'pore." he jumped onto me and wanted me to hug him. he simply kissed me all over my face and really hugged me tight. omg i was speechless for awhile. i had this hug two years ago, from Eria Sato, my Japanese girl, who really cried when i left. it felt the same. it's amazing how these 3year-olds can sense this pre-departure feeling. i couldnt stand it and so kidnapped him to do my preparation stuffs, skip his 2 lessons so what. there i showed him some class picts i took and he was happily pointing. decided to make a card for him at the spot, and i did. laminated with the 3photos he liked. when it was done, he actually kissed the card and gave me one of the best smiles ever. i was melting then... tmr will be the day. ouchh. i sometimes do wonder when these children grow up, how many of them will remember the teacher they once loved so much when they were in their innocent 3-year-olds? hmm...that's up to them eh? so called, unconditional love. will miss you, darling Seok-ke~.

those feelings......

that feeling getting confirmation to get into university.
that feeling you start imagining things thta will happen in the future, the good and the bad.
that feeling when you think you get assurance from someone who thinks you're good at what you're doing.
that feeling receiving a funny photo or silly message.
that feeling guessing or imagining what a phrase actually means.
that feeling you think you cant finish your stuffs in time, or cant produce something good at the end of the day.
that feeling during pre-departures.
that feeling when you dont know what you're feeling.

“say i can 疯！”

喜欢从歌词中寻找自己......歌词配对了音乐，它的旋律自然就跟我的心情同飞共舞。哈哈说什么啦？不知道几时开始说话都变得拐弯抹角的，谁会懂里面隐藏着的意思啊？聪明蛋都不会懂。笨蛋会变成傻瓜。开心果会变成红毛丹。
“say i can 疯！”

烦！

不知道该怎么想不知道该怎么做不知道该如何面对这个人.不知道这样做会怎样那样做会怎样.不知道你在想什么我在想什么.笨死了烦死了!多希望我们可以一直都是彼此的蒙面靠山.迷迷糊糊这两年在半认识与半了解的情况下我们却能默默的给予对方精神上的鼓励与支持.现在这些荒唐都变成了现实我害怕我懊恼我模糊.你的坚持你的大方你的一举一动都那么的不可思议.或许我已经不能像以前那么天真了会去想很多有的没的.我实在不了解也无法了解你.而你觉得你够了解我了吗?

all about LOVE. bittersweet love.

Listening to so many real-life love stories recently, i'm already starting to think which kind of girlfriend i will be for the next relationship, although i may still not be sure what love is. Love is just so so complicated!! I actually searched google about "love", haha, and i totally agree with and liked these few phrases...
1. There's always a meaning why you've met someone, and it's either to learn from them or to teach them.
2. Not everything in front of you is evidently yours to keep, no matter how hard you hold on to it. It escapes.
3. Your first love is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love.
4. We keep hoping to find true love somewhere--out there--outside ourselves, in someone else' eyes. BUT that is not the place to find true love. Only when we look within will we find what we truly seek--love that heals and sustains us and can even help heal our world. (this is DEEP,,, hoho. )

Me myself, i call 'love' bittersweet. 'Love' is like dark chocolate. (i bought 9 boxes of dark chocolates today. a sign of desperation? haha.) They're so addictive that once you pop you cant stop, like having to see him everyday. They melt in the mouth slowly, like enjoying a relationship at a snail's pace, ignoring time and spending every second of bitterness and sweetness together. hmm...what else? chocolates are always so nicely wrapped up, like love being everly so protected. Dark chocolates are so yummy you'd want it all for yourself! And that's how selfish love is! Well, wont mind to have the bittersweet feeling again;)

10:10 FEEL GOOD TIME:)

staying online does make me distracted most of the time, but most importantly, it keeps me awake!! this workload is killing me...argh! now it's 10:10pm and it's FEEL GOOD TIME!! haha. ever since ntv7 promotoed that advertisement, i've acknowledged 10:10 to be 'feel good time' forever. haha. i can automatically smile when i see this time. so obviously i was smiling awhile ago, haha. and now, typing this. haha. i'm addicted to dark chocolates and you wont ever believe that i actually bought NINE boxes of it, due to cheap price. it's SO yummy you cant stop once you pop!!!! yumyum~~~~~

midnight breeze~~

It's 3:13am now and i'm in the attic doing my silly report. It's a rainy night and i just opened one window to be able to enjoy the breeze. This breeze just reminds me of the beach, particularly that one the 6 of us walked in the early air, and the wind blew, so cold yet so refreshing... us 4 took a picture there, but it was sadly blur enough to be displayed in my precious angie-series-album...haha. the moments stayed though, and especially tonight, i'm thinking of that dawn, that breeze, that photo. and the same red long-sleeve shirt i'm still wearing now...

you are not you anymore......

to the two of you out there: some friends are always friends, and they are forever that“衰样”no matter how long you knew each other and under all other circumstances. they know you so well and you know them as well too. sometimes both sides will feel that they actually dont know each other too well, but somehow they just know, or at least can make you very happy. we quarrel, we have cold wars, we complain, but in the end we laugh together again. true friends, i call them. however, you, and you, are no longer the "you" i once knew. so different now and then. i am really disappointed, not to say. how could you ppl??? you just cut the line yourself, HOW COULD YOU??? remembering the moments we spent together, remembering the secrets we've shared together, it may be history for you now, or maybe it doesnt even exist anymore...... but to me, all these still felt like yesterday... one day, if you come back again, i dunno... we might be friends once more, but it will definitely feel different already. you've broken my heart:(:(

LUCK which comes and go...

Another month is gone again. regarding applications, all that has to be done is done, now only waiting for the results. it makes me realise that LUCK still plays a vital role, no matter how hard you strive:( i just need more luck. luck oh luck... fly to lai o lai.... kan lol=lol??? but well, laugh out loud also =lol. so maybe that's why. somebody is laughing at me:(

now is tiem to worry what will happen next. but it seems that i'm so kept busy with work and work and still work!!! cant worry anything till my results are out. the next plan will come when the time arrives. i have been having really high hopes, really looking forward this time. decisions made in life are not to regret, cos every route i took it made me see new things...i dont know, but im afraid...about now, about the future...

the night before exam i dreamt of ah mah, my dear ah mah, who seems to always appear in my dreams when i feel nervous. well, it was a family meeting then, but held at manjee's house? so disconnected. and up came water and crab scene. and dancing scene. all so not related, but yet it went together in the dreams. it was all just too funny!!

today from the kids it's like you can see how crazy love can be in real life situations, haha. No matter how you lecture them, how you shouted so loud oout of anger and squeezed them firmly to listen, made them cry and plead, they still stick to you like glue after that. it seems like they only remember the good stuffs. and at their homes, i'm everly so protected. that's the interesting part, hearing stories of yourself from parents' mouth. and listening to children imitate my tone of voice today, i really couldnt help but laughed out loud. how well they can imitate!! i dont know how successful i am in this field, or at which level i stand now. but the love and passion for it is definitely there, and i get loved in return. will that be enough? yes and no. sigh.

august. kuching fest. deadline. tourguide. birthdays. more unpredictables to come. i really want a break. im beat.......

Angie aiming for the moon...ajah ajah FIGHTING!!

so long i havent had this so so so nervous feeling. IELTS beat me mien!!! i'm beat beat beat!!! studying so hard...
that day i was counting. really never had i stopped being busy ever since i graduated Senior 3. need a break mien. being studying plus working all this while... never had a holiday longer than 2weeks. how pathetic. i wanna shout out loud!!!

anyways, I'm aiming for the moon now. so good luck to me, and may all the luck bless me:) god bless the moon, the moon bless me. thank you thank you....

left out:(

my dear subang buddies are having their graduation today. both back in our old territory, leaving me to have this lonely feeling suddenly. sniff sniff. feel left out. sniff sniff. i wanna join them in KL!!!!!!!!! we talked through the phone, both of them talking to me, but somehow it feels different not being there. the gifts are still with me, plus bday gifts. haha. i have to wait till i go KL to collect my bday gift. should i do the same thing??? wakaka. come to kuching and get your gift!! hahaa...imagine being slaughtered with hideous cruelty!! (a phrase never to forget, thanks to OPT yaya!)

Rainforest Music Fest this year...i gave up too. busy working with my English. aiyoyo...

salty tears:(

the tears were salty. it has been almost two years that i really ever cried... it was a little embarrassing then, but i couldnt take it more. ouch. the tears came but i swallowed them in, until ms. tan came, talking to me at the SO RIGHT time... the previous second i was smiling, the next second i was already choking, suddenly i just lost my voice. i really hate this feeling...though it does feel better after all these embarrassment. haha. saying that these tears came out from my eyes, you can call them PRECIOUS!!

:( refusing to smile

"Your smile is the most important thing you wear." from youhua. nice phrase:)

Some reasons are not reasons, but you still accept them.
Some requests are really "too much", but you still say "yes".
Some emotions should be let out, but you still hide them behind a smile.
Some words should be expressed, but you still keep them deep inside your heart.
Sometimes you know that it's really silly, but you still stay silly!!

My smile may have brighten your day, but this smile of mine may have broken my heart...:(

disgusting fact! *opisai*

ok it's disgusting, but my nose was itchy then. my car stopped at the traffic light. as i held my finger up, i just so happened to peek into the mirror, and guess what i saw? that man was happily digging his nose, for quite some time!! immediately i lose to urge to even touch my nose, and was laughing alone to kill the itchiness. the guy did not see me. i wonder how he would react if he did notice me? *staring at him with that disgusted look* HAHAHA

此时此刻。

I love you, you love me,
Let's gang up and kill Barney,
With a super shotgun bang! bang! bang!
No more purple dinosaur.

很想吃 lambchop 不然就 maggi kari. 就是那种一定要吃到的感觉。恐怖吧？

如果说你要走，我不会留，我不去管以后多么痛多么的难过。越爱越难过。

Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is.

“一千年以后”的那个人。
“Zombie”的那个人。
善良的奋斗者。
无业游民。

我醉了，因为我很寂寞。
再给我一杯美酒与咖啡！！

i miss you^.^

was washing and cutting my hair. was reading magazine articles. different articles immediately link you to different people who have stepped into my life. some things read are like so real, and many things still feel like yesterday, but tomorrow always feels so distant, until it's too late to realise. yesterday i found out about something. it's actually no great deal, but it still hurts. abit. whyyyyy??? outta my mind!!!!!! choking myself in my dreams.

there's no specific reason to give someone a gift. there's no specific reason to wish someone a good day. like when i saw Pumpkin and Bubble, i just felt like they had to come home with me. and they did. so today, it's "i miss you day", cos i just felt like saying "i miss you" ^.^

LAUGH more!!!! :D:D

Laughters are contagious!! especially daddy's. haha. Once he starts his super laughing, he cant stop, and we all will laugh cos his laughing is so so so funny!! just now it lasted for at least 5mins non-stop and the 5 of us ended up with a little tummyache and jaw-ache with tears rolling down! haha!!

Hmm..but crying is contagious too. Watching china's fund-raising program for the earthquake victims can make me cry buckets!! adui~~

learning to grow up?

Love V-channel recently. must on every night!!
Love this phrase: Moanday, Tearday, Wailsday, Thumpsday, Frightday, Shatterday, SUNDAE!!
Love holidays!! Have been really lazy, not doings tasks that should be done, but doing other stuffs like clearing boxes, rearranging files & papers...found old newspaper cuttings i had totally forgotten about, and amazingly, my face was accidentally posted on the newspaper for 7 times? still 暗爽，haha. what else...Chan Sao Man i once was soooo much in love with, CRAZY!! also reading the so many cards i received since young, recalling those moments... cant believe i'm 22 now, so many unpredictables out there. until last friday, dunno why suddenly i had this feeling...it's time to grow up. whatde? haha exactly. but it's like daddy and mummy are hiding so many things from us, taking all the burden by themselves. we always think they dont know us well enough, but seems like they know sooo much. and us, always neglecting so many things, enjoying being so nicely spoonfed...

today i felt like going to jog so much, but found nobody to accompany me. so i finally decided to go alone. alone i drove, alone i walked, alone i jogged. it wasnt funny, cos many ppl were alone too, though i wished someone was with me. kaka. well, as i watched the trees as i walked, i remembered those days in KL, the place where i exercised my feet the most. then out of no reason, suddenly those different different faces appeared, those people i walked side by side with, the places we walked together, the potholes and drains, the lousy roads, and my sportshoes. was weird. i do miss KL, more than i expected. hah. no matter what i've been there for 3 years and it's where i turned into a legal adult too.

was thinking of working all the way now, as it might be a challenge for me to go back to real studying life once again. heard from lecturers and seniors that it would be tough for us Malaysians. on the other side, i feel i'll regret if i do not experience a real student life at this age everyone should be a student. gotta fulfill this dream though it might be tough financially. people always say there'll be a way if your will is strong. i gotta be that persistent one!! this determination might lead me to the stars? haha. the future i dare not predict yet... scary to think even... just move on!! move on!!!

breastmilk. THE RED EYE.

imagine a real breast on top of your eye. haha. just few days back i saw Jadden's mum bringing breastmilk and told him, "Jadden, this is not for drinking." then straight away she pushed his head down and dripped the milk into his eye. just few days later i had it. THE RED EYE. was just joking, "Lyn, gimme your breastmilk lah. natural antibiotic." there she was, taking it more seriously than ever. that noon, i laid on Idah's lap, having Adelynna cover my right eye, Ferrisca opening my left eye wide, and right on top of it, the breast. TWO DROPS. "oh, milk!" was my response. and they all kept laughing. that was a real joke. and so many ppl didnt believe that this was a real case. hahaha. i will remember this.

white colour

Unpredictables... the love-hate thing.
下幕。

today, Liza suddenly held a book and asked us which is our favourite colour. without thinking much, i just said "white". White is the color of purity. White means kindness. White daisies are a symbol of loyal love. Strictly speaking, white is not a color, but the manifestation of the presence of all color - the complete energy of light. It stands for wholeness and completion. In many cultures it represents openness and truth. White has a cold quality. It can provide clarity as its energy is complete. It holds the potential to move toward every other color and this makes it a good choice for new beginnings, and development in any direction.

so white may be good for me. it holds the potential to move toward every other color:)

transformers.

hugging has always been my favourite affection for love and care towards a person. but somehow it seems awkward when i really felt like doing it. never had the tendency of hugging family or friends maybe. how nice to have a big, warm hug once in awhile. suddenly missing mummy teoh's hug, so firm and so tight, making me feel so protected and loved. mother's day is here, and her birthday is approaching, how could i have not sent her a card?? argh!

with children it's much much easier. it's like there's a big sign written on their face "Hug or kiss me whenever you like!" you wont ever feel shy to cuddle them in your arms. they are small physically, but they're more generous towards hugging. for no reason, someone will choke you from behind, or dash into your stomach, just to hug you and say, "Teacher, i like you." sometimes, you can suddenly feel something wet sticking on your face, and there it is, a goldfish kiss, followed by an evil grin. sometimes a monkey will hang around your leg as if it is a tree. during tense situations, a warm hand will suddenly lie on your thigh, so ticklish you had to grab and put it away. the best part is you'll have someone unprofessional to massage your shoulders, but along will come a choo-choo-train, and the massaging machines rolls on and on, with different massages. all terrible ones, but it still makes you feel so pampered. that's how adorable children are. never hiding their emotions. they wont say it, but they show it!! why is it so hard for us adults? we were once kids too!! never knew how and why we became transformers.

feel like doing nothing.

tonight i just feel so lazy. so hot driving around today, just busy hunting for a photocopy centre which serves 3cents for A4. gosh! ate so much recently. scary. had shopping mood today, but bought nothing. luckily. need save!! hope the year end trip can come true:) a reunion which requires travelling! or say a travelling which allows fun reunion! hehe:>

mum says i always get along well with older ladies. hmm...yea, guess so. what to do? i meet so much of these ppl, and they treat me well, cos i also treat them well. haha. what am i saying. today had funny sms session with Ms Tan. haha. some formal stuffs in front. then came to...
Tan: getting smart, well done. next time back to centre and have fun. u have a new child on monday. her aim is to invite grandma to her concert to c her performance. u got to dance. have a nice weekend :-)
(i was laughing nuts seeing this. what an aim. and learn dancing from me? yeah, one, two. three. four! i only can jump.)
AL: My goodness! Her grandma will hate me. Nightmare tonight, dancing in the air. Yours is snake dance. Mine will be gorilla dance:)
Tan: haha. good. have a change.
AL: Meet the gorilla on monday:)
Tan: c u. wuwuwu
AL: c u. ssssssss...

in some ways, talking to them is like easier to talking to own mum. maybe cos we're in the same field, and we talk some language that many ppl just wont ever understand... but how come my bestest friends are none from the same field? so lucky i went to Taylors.

so sleepy. nitenite.

the different emotions.

it does happen sometimes, suddenly thinking of someone, missing him/her, or some things that we once did together. but it does feel different, when a friend suddenly messaged and said, "How are you? It's so sudden that you pop into my mind. Seems like something is going on with you. Sleepy as i am now, i keep on typing, so that you can recieve:)" it was a total surprise. haha. but that was all, i assumed that he went to sleep.

when che went to KL those few days, i missed her terribly the first night and the morning i woke up the next day, not seeing the snoring queen on her bed. dear old roomie. it's just feels like this will be the last full year we'll be roomies. when im back from study, she might be married already. leaves the room to the lil sista!! just always remember the password to our room door:P and the naughty notes we left for each other:P and all the memories we had in this comfy room of OURS:):)

Lucky gave birth to 5 puppies, left with 3. and i actually saw her gave birth to the first two, first so chubby and second dead. she was licking the puppy as hard as she could, wanting to make it live. and how much you dont sayang that mad dog, at that moment you just get so touched by her motherly figure. it's like there's tears in her eyes, and i can actually imagine the scene as people in real life, losing their child right on the minute it was born. how sad. she bit it's stomach like doing CPR, and continued licking. i couldnt see more. but after that the puppy was gone, and we assumed she ate it. ouch.

i told dad about what i heard the ahpek who sold me bananas said. then suddenly dad was bursting out laughing until he couldnt stop. what la. but seeing him made me laugh until cannot tahan pun. it's nice holding daddy's tummy and hugging him. feels so warm and comfy:)

i've decided not to be a witch and go my own way. my children love me the way i am. so touched today. i've always been me, and it's hard for me to be so bad. my N1 children are the best. put aside K1 K2. monster teacher, monster children. terrible and horrible. mine sweet and dear:) the only thing is that they might lose some talent in dancing, haha, cos im so stiff. aiks. just cant move my body!!! haha. so much to think about recently, stressed with work. children and upcoming events in my dreams. my goodness!! take that out!!

blogging reminds me of being a busy working student in KL. almost everyday on the internet, chatting & blogging when you're out of your mind, or even however busy, but still happily chatting. haha, and keep onto the last minute habit. haha. now still like that. how to change wor??

R-E-U-N-I-T-E ! !

so THE FOUR will reunite this coming June?
heeheeh hohoh yaaaaaaahAAAA!!!! yeeeeeeeeHeeeeeEH!!!!

missing bendie

When it comes to siblings, 5 is always in the mind. Told mum so spontaneously, “us 5 and Sang only tonight.” Mum looked at me and said, “where got 5?” haha, I do miss Bendie. Who ask Rong to wear Ben's shirt. Reminding me of my primary school best after-school-mate, wearing his spectacles and with two protruded front teeth. Hmm..let him hit me for that. We fought so many times after school, but watched silk drama Mon-Fri 2-3pm together, washed the whole bucket of plates and pans in the tiny basin after that, took turns to mop the wooden floor, watched Barney on Mondays 5pm, squatting at the back seat of dad's 8268 right after Living Springs and straight to lao hu po's tuition... ahhh... so many memories with my dear bendie:):)

the DOUBLE TWO is here!!!!

my abandoned blog. poor thing. well all this while so many things have happened. but if to be stated, mostly might be complaints again, so ignoring them is no big deal:) one thing is i'm starting to get really worried about my unfinished college reports and the lecturer's visiting. And i'm feeling so so nervous about those application stuffs to universities. it's like everything will be really really new, can i cope??

the DOUBLE TWO is here. another year just passed by. have i changed? have i matured? i've already had a few unexpected greetings, and i went to an overindulging dinner with my best friend, followed by a treat in Starbucks, having both the signature drinks, Caramel Macchiatto and Javachip Frappucinno. a night to let out secrets. a night to let out the hidden inner feelings. we shared, we accepted, with open hearts.

it's like the FUTURE is conquering our minds. about work. about love. about life. the unseen, the unpredictable, the blurred future. i miss the days waddling in the swimming pool, splashing water and laughing innocently, unaware of the monstrous world outside.

may everything run as smoothly as possible. my new short hair and chubby face, a new year begins! 22 candles, blow ONE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uncontrollable moody gie:(

these two days...it's just bad enough:( one good thing is that i can put my emotions away while i'm at work, but never to be left alone to think, though sometimes the mind will drift away, but it will come back cos i'll be too occupied and busy to think at all.

kim's car accidentally knocked the bitchy neighbour's car. and she said she has been waiting for this day?! Everything that comes out from her mouth just hurts. why be such a bad person? i really dont understand this kind of people. how can we be neighbours like that?

sometimes with the bestest friends they're so moody but they dont say things out. the thing is that care for each other's feelings too much. somehow. i feel that we do love each other a lot a lot, deep in our hearts. dunno how we built that too. that day when she texted me and said sorry for being rude to me, i was really really shocked. for me, knowing her, i just feel that it's the moody her so i didnt bother the tone at all? maybe i'm really that insensitive? like yindeh and her baboon dear also. maybe it runs in our blood, being so insensitive to the things happening around us, things we've done or even things we have said. we're too cincai to be true. too much of daddy in us? but we do have very very strong feelings...

have been so moody. this is so bad. CJ was shouting as he always did with the voice i cannot stand, but was in such a bad mood i shouted back for his unreasonable wants. i actually walked out of the car leaving him in there, walking towards Upwell, but i realised that i too was not so daring and walked back to the car after 5mins. we were quiet throughout. i brought him to guardian and talked about his hair gel. i bought my things. we became friends again. went home and there was no key. we left for spring again. window shopping with my dear CJ brother. he is so cute. if only other things were also so easy, like with brothers and sister.

i met szehan at the spring. was incredibly happy to see her. havented contacted her in ages! how i missed jacnene, xuan, yen, cb, WL and mummy ju. they're also ppl i shared so many things with. somehow, ppl you meet in college, they are not the best, but you also share lots of precious moments together. aeros have become like part of the family, whereas these friends are the ppl you miss a lot once in awhile... but ALL OF THEM are so so far away from me:(

as time passes, you learn what is love and what is crush. you just know it, i think. it's just a moment of desperation maybe? somehow we'll have higher expectations when we're in a relationship, or craving for a relationship. it's just ruins things if you're not meant to be. it's sweet at times but it always hurts more. again, WHY? until i find the right one. the very right ONE who fits into the puzzle perfectly:) on valentine's, i made a heart-shaped craft, and every child had to say "i love you" WILLINGLY. haha. was a funny but beautiful moment:) they were all so naive, so cute. my principal laughed, i said i was desperate. haha. but i'm not:P it's just fun seeing the children, who couldnt wait for their turns to say "i love you". it's so easy to say these three words to little children.

i miss a lot of things. i wished all of us were still in school. i wished we hadn't grown so fast into working ppl. i wished we talked and laughed more like we always did. i wish would never feel bored of each other, even when we're sitting down together in silence. I wish we'll always enjoy the moments we share together. i wish i could make a more professional wish, although even little little simple wishes are already so hard to come true at times:( let me stay happy. i like the happy me:)

unpredictables.

again it happened. the cow which thought silence was golden but suddenly gave out a very loud moo! leaving the innocent girl who went to a six-star hotel accidentally stepped on its cow dung at the main entrance! at the spot she was unaware of how to response. should she blame the cow, blame the management, or just blame her own luck?

First gear, sore. Second gear, pain. Third gear, torture. taken from . just thought it suits in many situations.

more unpredictables to come^^

family-work-friends

tonight i suddenly felt like going out to have some supper, so ajak dad mum ying cj rong and we all went open air. how we missed ben. 7, seems like a big family, but when we all sit down together, it just seems that THIS then is called family. a family of 3 is like too small! haha.

the new year has begun. my adventure has begun. it's tough i should say, and very time-consuming. never can laze, never can rest. they're like ants everywhere. my voice is such a disadvantage in this field, and sorethroat is now a common thing. my CBM still sucks. so much to learn, so much to catch up with. im scared sometimes, but naturally acting brave, which is stupid i feel.

jac gave me a pack of froggie cadbury chocolates, which reminds me of kni the froggie. and i bit him before he could bite me after seeing our kissing photo! lol. the slidedoors which only knew each other after someone slammed it hard and got them stuck together! haha.
kim gave me a pair of pinky beach slippers coz the sat-sat shirt she wanted to give me was stolen by her sis! haha. a forever bestest buddy, who can share my secrets, sorrows and happiness. best thing we're not paiseh for complaining to each other so much! hah. my chipmunk!!
WL who cares but is always lost in space. a girl i never really knew well enough, an alien so different from me but in that little community we just had to be best friends. haha.
cb who knows it's spring but is still frozen in winter. a sudden get-to-know and clicked ridiculously. a cow. likes to draw totally complicated mazes but never helps in figuring the way out. made me stuck in many torny corners seeking for just a little hole to see a ray.
xuan posted some muachi from taiwan and a cd, in it a slideshow of our memories for the 3 years in subang. made me laughed and almost cried. this gal!! a real tigress who can be so absolutely unreasonable but yet so caring and loving. i do miss the nights we pillow-talked.
yen always with her sweet thoughts and warmest regards, but sending blank posts all the time. scold her!! due to MAR and stupid groupmates, we got together and became friends. a cilipadi with the hottest temper. young but yet so motherly and always thinking so comprehensively.
yeh who seem to notice and comment things better now, as jovial as before, but still leaves you wondering what is actually hidden in his complicated mind. an invisible balloon who needs to be seen through magic eyes, and felt through a great big hug!
joo being the lazy ladybird who refuses to fly, sleeping in his own world until a big sneeze can shoo him off and force him to fly. you'll see him flying beautifully, and very high indeed. needs some pushing, quiet, but is always there to listen.


erm how did i came upon writing these stuffs? hahaha

2007. bye~~

remembered how we counted down at Riverside last time. remembered how the whole family shook hands and hugged last time. rememebered having camps in school with friends counting down like crazy last time.

this year, family aint complete. no plans. no dates. the last few hours, we shall just wait and see!! it's raining hard. the phone is busy as it used to be during this night, full of sweet messages and also rubbish messages.


an afternoon spent with jac, seeing her graduation photos and other sweet photos. i would have graduated too if i stayed on in TBS. how my life would be then? i would have been a totally different person. well guess i changed my own life, and i gotta get on with it! I hope i can make a difference :) to not feel sorry for myself. this coming new year, no resolutions made yet, but i never had the habit to do so either. just as usual, hoping my loved ones all stay healthy and happy :) hope to have a great year ahead!!!