SUPER emotional day :(

Today’s my last day working in this kinder. I’m sad to leave, actually. But I know I’m leaving for good reasons, no regrets hopefully. Everybody there seems to be sadder than I am, crying and crying. I talk, they just look at me. I try to laugh & joke, but finding myself to be just an idiot clowning alone. I say bye-bye, hit me. I hug them, cry. Sayang them, cry more. What should I do? I just won’t cry. I seem to always cry for no reasons, and can’t cry when the chances come. I’m a weirdo. Hah.

This whole week I really could feel the sad departure…I actually drew a book for my kids!! And gave them each a copy with 3pages of photos in front…I’m really so happy to see them appreciating it so much...flipping & flipping the book, reading it, colouring it, making it crumpled, pointing at my face & laugh, searching for their own faces……it was such a pleasure, a warm feeling. I felt the bond between me & them. I love them. And it’s great to feel the love back. As for the adults, I gave them each a card, written my true feelings & even some confessions. Haha, it just came out as I wrote.

I had quite a few presents… some sweet, some cute, and one really sad. i'll show the sad doggie.

sad eh? the eyes of this doggie is really like filled with tears! whoever invented this?? omigosh...

when it was really rime to leave, the worst part was Eria crying like it's the end of the world. she's the only one who felt it. others might just think i'm joking or whatever, most won't even understand la. what do you expect from a bunch of 3 and a half year olds? But Eria wouldn't let me go & They had to grab her. that was REALLY sad. then NadiAAA gave me the biggest kiss i've ever had in my whole life. a really big & heavy kiss on my left cheek until my teeth hurts abit. wowhh!!

From these 9-months experience, i've grown a little again. heh. well, usually i'd think that i'm someone really small in this world, it doesn't matter whether i exist or not. Well, now i think my existence is important. hehe. family wise, i'm important! girlfriend wise, ermm..i hope. friend wise, yea, i think so. think i've the power for keeping friends being friends.(if u understand, heh) colleague wise, yep. but the thing i've gotta sacrifice is being the middle-person. kinder-teacher wise, i think i'm improving.

All these years i always feel that how much better it'd be if some part of me was like XXX or XXX or whoever. i dunno what's good about me. But through workforce, i've mixed with all kinds of ppl, mostly elder than me, and realised that some ppl are hoping to be like me? i dunno, but i feel weird, especially when they talk to me about it! "How can you be so ...... as a young girl? ......" But now i know that being my real self is the best, and always will be. (i should have known, and i knew, but never really trusting it) silly me, coz some ppl are actually appreciating the real me :) especially yindeh, yeh, kim, joo & bendie. and thanx for knowing me more than i know myself, sometimes.