bolat-ness and 感动-ness

bolat-ness of a happy little girl:) i was beat then, but receiving the news of getting a place in AUT definitely brightened me up!! unknowingly someone actually googled bolatness and teased me so long over it. yrrrrr.
today i've been reading about childhood cancer almost all day, reading some interesting stuffs, reading some real life touching stories---how some failed while others survived, watching youtube and how those children fought against cancer, how those parents face their own cencerous kids everyday. it's sad. and also many many organizations which are actually really putting in an effort to help. i want to be a member in this voluntary field one day, but i'll find which i have the real passion for, where im able to do something really useful, rather than only symphatizing ppl...it's what they hate. i really do admire those ppl who helped unconditionally with all their heart...
doing assignments have been abit out of touch...and i kind of lost the mood. but i finally found something i have been looking for ever since i started this project! clicking from one site into another and another and another........and finally you found the thing you want. that feeling...ever so 感动！感动-ness of a puffy-eyed girl @.@ i need a rest now.

love-doughnut

i just couldnt take the smell. i skipped lunch to just come back to have my cool shower. traffic jam. i had 10mins to shower and change, 10mins to eat my biscuits, talked to nai, then rush back to work. havent even got time to sayang Bibi which just got back from the vet. Her eyes were looking at me as if i didnt want to care about her:( it was so so tiring when i got back to work i feel like vomitting, yet still feeling the hunger... at a glance on the trolley, i thought i saw my name. "T. Angie" was written there on the BIG APPLE packet, from Hans. a cheese doughnut was inside. i was so touched at that moment... though i'm not a super fan of doughnuts!! once in awhile i do get something from him, but at that moment it just seemed like heaven. later in the evening, i thanked his mom for the first time as i usually only said it to Hans. only i knew that Hans kinda 'forced' her to buy things for me? gosh... hmm...how should i deal with this? it's a good and bad thing ler......

studying abroad really needs a lot of money. it's scary to count and convert. always knew that money is important, but really realised the importance of money this year round. it's really like what ppl say, no money no talk. cant travel, cant buy house, cant feed children, cant enjoy a luxurious life, ok better say indulging life...cant this cant that. i really really salute to daddy and mummy, never too rich, but being able to raise us 5 and providing us a comfortable life with infinity love is more than anything in the world!!

三个字.难说吗?

我爱你是多么清楚多么坚固的信仰
我爱你是多么温暖多么勇敢的力量
我不管心多伤不管爱多慌不管别人怎么想
爱是一种信仰把我带到你的身旁

谢谢你的温柔
我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于再次长出一个梦
不知道不明了不想要
为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明

再冲动一点点我就不闪躲
不过三个字别忧虑这么久
只要你说出口
你就能拥有我

一定要那三个字吗
还没决定往哪走
才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我
想着想着 我还是没信心说出口
对不起

傻瓜...别在意那些话.我不会再要你说了.
等你有天想说你自然会说...我没什么.

想着你的黑夜
想着你的容颜
反反复复孤枕难眠
告诉你一样不成眠
告诉我你也盼我出现

究竟我是怎么了 怎么了
难道爱一个人真的有错吗
虽然爱一个人很苦 可我还渴望一点爱
我怎么了 苦了吗
竟然爱她爱到那么施舍
痛到最后苦了以后 也快乐

my darling Hyoun Seok...

my adorable korean boy is leaving tmr. but it felt as if today's the last day. i missed him already while i was packing all his stuffs in school and he seems to sense something. he knows he's leaving. for the past few weeks he was really excited and kept telling me that he's gonna fly with his family. today, he suddenly said, "teacher, i bring you to s'pore." he jumped onto me and wanted me to hug him. he simply kissed me all over my face and really hugged me tight. omg i was speechless for awhile. i had this hug two years ago, from Eria Sato, my Japanese girl, who really cried when i left. it felt the same. it's amazing how these 3year-olds can sense this pre-departure feeling. i couldnt stand it and so kidnapped him to do my preparation stuffs, skip his 2 lessons so what. there i showed him some class picts i took and he was happily pointing. decided to make a card for him at the spot, and i did. laminated with the 3photos he liked. when it was done, he actually kissed the card and gave me one of the best smiles ever. i was melting then... tmr will be the day. ouchh. i sometimes do wonder when these children grow up, how many of them will remember the teacher they once loved so much when they were in their innocent 3-year-olds? hmm...that's up to them eh? so called, unconditional love. will miss you, darling Seok-ke~.

those feelings......

that feeling getting confirmation to get into university.
that feeling you start imagining things thta will happen in the future, the good and the bad.
that feeling when you think you get assurance from someone who thinks you're good at what you're doing.
that feeling receiving a funny photo or silly message.
that feeling guessing or imagining what a phrase actually means.
that feeling you think you cant finish your stuffs in time, or cant produce something good at the end of the day.
that feeling during pre-departures.
that feeling when you dont know what you're feeling.

“say i can 疯！”

喜欢从歌词中寻找自己......歌词配对了音乐，它的旋律自然就跟我的心情同飞共舞。哈哈说什么啦？不知道几时开始说话都变得拐弯抹角的，谁会懂里面隐藏着的意思啊？聪明蛋都不会懂。笨蛋会变成傻瓜。开心果会变成红毛丹。
“say i can 疯！”

烦！

不知道该怎么想不知道该怎么做不知道该如何面对这个人.不知道这样做会怎样那样做会怎样.不知道你在想什么我在想什么.笨死了烦死了!多希望我们可以一直都是彼此的蒙面靠山.迷迷糊糊这两年在半认识与半了解的情况下我们却能默默的给予对方精神上的鼓励与支持.现在这些荒唐都变成了现实我害怕我懊恼我模糊.你的坚持你的大方你的一举一动都那么的不可思议.或许我已经不能像以前那么天真了会去想很多有的没的.我实在不了解也无法了解你.而你觉得你够了解我了吗?

all about LOVE. bittersweet love.

Listening to so many real-life love stories recently, i'm already starting to think which kind of girlfriend i will be for the next relationship, although i may still not be sure what love is. Love is just so so complicated!! I actually searched google about "love", haha, and i totally agree with and liked these few phrases...
1. There's always a meaning why you've met someone, and it's either to learn from them or to teach them.
2. Not everything in front of you is evidently yours to keep, no matter how hard you hold on to it. It escapes.
3. Your first love is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love.
4. We keep hoping to find true love somewhere--out there--outside ourselves, in someone else' eyes. BUT that is not the place to find true love. Only when we look within will we find what we truly seek--love that heals and sustains us and can even help heal our world. (this is DEEP,,, hoho. )

Me myself, i call 'love' bittersweet. 'Love' is like dark chocolate. (i bought 9 boxes of dark chocolates today. a sign of desperation? haha.) They're so addictive that once you pop you cant stop, like having to see him everyday. They melt in the mouth slowly, like enjoying a relationship at a snail's pace, ignoring time and spending every second of bitterness and sweetness together. hmm...what else? chocolates are always so nicely wrapped up, like love being everly so protected. Dark chocolates are so yummy you'd want it all for yourself! And that's how selfish love is! Well, wont mind to have the bittersweet feeling again;)

10:10 FEEL GOOD TIME:)

staying online does make me distracted most of the time, but most importantly, it keeps me awake!! this workload is killing me...argh! now it's 10:10pm and it's FEEL GOOD TIME!! haha. ever since ntv7 promotoed that advertisement, i've acknowledged 10:10 to be 'feel good time' forever. haha. i can automatically smile when i see this time. so obviously i was smiling awhile ago, haha. and now, typing this. haha. i'm addicted to dark chocolates and you wont ever believe that i actually bought NINE boxes of it, due to cheap price. it's SO yummy you cant stop once you pop!!!! yumyum~~~~~

midnight breeze~~

It's 3:13am now and i'm in the attic doing my silly report. It's a rainy night and i just opened one window to be able to enjoy the breeze. This breeze just reminds me of the beach, particularly that one the 6 of us walked in the early air, and the wind blew, so cold yet so refreshing... us 4 took a picture there, but it was sadly blur enough to be displayed in my precious angie-series-album...haha. the moments stayed though, and especially tonight, i'm thinking of that dawn, that breeze, that photo. and the same red long-sleeve shirt i'm still wearing now...

you are not you anymore......

to the two of you out there: some friends are always friends, and they are forever that“衰样”no matter how long you knew each other and under all other circumstances. they know you so well and you know them as well too. sometimes both sides will feel that they actually dont know each other too well, but somehow they just know, or at least can make you very happy. we quarrel, we have cold wars, we complain, but in the end we laugh together again. true friends, i call them. however, you, and you, are no longer the "you" i once knew. so different now and then. i am really disappointed, not to say. how could you ppl??? you just cut the line yourself, HOW COULD YOU??? remembering the moments we spent together, remembering the secrets we've shared together, it may be history for you now, or maybe it doesnt even exist anymore...... but to me, all these still felt like yesterday... one day, if you come back again, i dunno... we might be friends once more, but it will definitely feel different already. you've broken my heart:(:(

LUCK which comes and go...

Another month is gone again. regarding applications, all that has to be done is done, now only waiting for the results. it makes me realise that LUCK still plays a vital role, no matter how hard you strive:( i just need more luck. luck oh luck... fly to lai o lai.... kan lol=lol??? but well, laugh out loud also =lol. so maybe that's why. somebody is laughing at me:(

now is tiem to worry what will happen next. but it seems that i'm so kept busy with work and work and still work!!! cant worry anything till my results are out. the next plan will come when the time arrives. i have been having really high hopes, really looking forward this time. decisions made in life are not to regret, cos every route i took it made me see new things...i dont know, but im afraid...about now, about the future...

the night before exam i dreamt of ah mah, my dear ah mah, who seems to always appear in my dreams when i feel nervous. well, it was a family meeting then, but held at manjee's house? so disconnected. and up came water and crab scene. and dancing scene. all so not related, but yet it went together in the dreams. it was all just too funny!!

today from the kids it's like you can see how crazy love can be in real life situations, haha. No matter how you lecture them, how you shouted so loud oout of anger and squeezed them firmly to listen, made them cry and plead, they still stick to you like glue after that. it seems like they only remember the good stuffs. and at their homes, i'm everly so protected. that's the interesting part, hearing stories of yourself from parents' mouth. and listening to children imitate my tone of voice today, i really couldnt help but laughed out loud. how well they can imitate!! i dont know how successful i am in this field, or at which level i stand now. but the love and passion for it is definitely there, and i get loved in return. will that be enough? yes and no. sigh.

august. kuching fest. deadline. tourguide. birthdays. more unpredictables to come. i really want a break. im beat.......

Angie aiming for the moon...ajah ajah FIGHTING!!

so long i havent had this so so so nervous feeling. IELTS beat me mien!!! i'm beat beat beat!!! studying so hard...
that day i was counting. really never had i stopped being busy ever since i graduated Senior 3. need a break mien. being studying plus working all this while... never had a holiday longer than 2weeks. how pathetic. i wanna shout out loud!!!

anyways, I'm aiming for the moon now. so good luck to me, and may all the luck bless me:) god bless the moon, the moon bless me. thank you thank you....

left out:(

my dear subang buddies are having their graduation today. both back in our old territory, leaving me to have this lonely feeling suddenly. sniff sniff. feel left out. sniff sniff. i wanna join them in KL!!!!!!!!! we talked through the phone, both of them talking to me, but somehow it feels different not being there. the gifts are still with me, plus bday gifts. haha. i have to wait till i go KL to collect my bday gift. should i do the same thing??? wakaka. come to kuching and get your gift!! hahaa...imagine being slaughtered with hideous cruelty!! (a phrase never to forget, thanks to OPT yaya!)

Rainforest Music Fest this year...i gave up too. busy working with my English. aiyoyo...

salty tears:(

the tears were salty. it has been almost two years that i really ever cried... it was a little embarrassing then, but i couldnt take it more. ouch. the tears came but i swallowed them in, until ms. tan came, talking to me at the SO RIGHT time... the previous second i was smiling, the next second i was already choking, suddenly i just lost my voice. i really hate this feeling...though it does feel better after all these embarrassment. haha. saying that these tears came out from my eyes, you can call them PRECIOUS!!

:( refusing to smile

"Your smile is the most important thing you wear." from youhua. nice phrase:)

Some reasons are not reasons, but you still accept them.
Some requests are really "too much", but you still say "yes".
Some emotions should be let out, but you still hide them behind a smile.
Some words should be expressed, but you still keep them deep inside your heart.
Sometimes you know that it's really silly, but you still stay silly!!

My smile may have brighten your day, but this smile of mine may have broken my heart...:(

disgusting fact! *opisai*

ok it's disgusting, but my nose was itchy then. my car stopped at the traffic light. as i held my finger up, i just so happened to peek into the mirror, and guess what i saw? that man was happily digging his nose, for quite some time!! immediately i lose to urge to even touch my nose, and was laughing alone to kill the itchiness. the guy did not see me. i wonder how he would react if he did notice me? *staring at him with that disgusted look* HAHAHA

此时此刻。

I love you, you love me,
Let's gang up and kill Barney,
With a super shotgun bang! bang! bang!
No more purple dinosaur.

很想吃 lambchop 不然就 maggi kari. 就是那种一定要吃到的感觉。恐怖吧？

如果说你要走，我不会留，我不去管以后多么痛多么的难过。越爱越难过。

Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is.

“一千年以后”的那个人。
“Zombie”的那个人。
善良的奋斗者。
无业游民。

我醉了，因为我很寂寞。
再给我一杯美酒与咖啡！！

i miss you^.^

was washing and cutting my hair. was reading magazine articles. different articles immediately link you to different people who have stepped into my life. some things read are like so real, and many things still feel like yesterday, but tomorrow always feels so distant, until it's too late to realise. yesterday i found out about something. it's actually no great deal, but it still hurts. abit. whyyyyy??? outta my mind!!!!!! choking myself in my dreams.

there's no specific reason to give someone a gift. there's no specific reason to wish someone a good day. like when i saw Pumpkin and Bubble, i just felt like they had to come home with me. and they did. so today, it's "i miss you day", cos i just felt like saying "i miss you" ^.^