Delayed blogs>>>

28/8/2006
I have always wondered why I usually only sang songs with 'happy' lyrics. I thought it's just me, always liking to be positive. Even when ahMah was going to die, seeing her struggling in her room that night, seeing her anger trying to hold the bottle herself, making her hardest effort to talk but the voice just couldn’t come out, then suddenly the next day she was like normal again. I made myself believe that she'd be ok, feeding her with the 'tang yuan', convincing her that she sure could go through another year being healthy. Denying, denying and denying. We all knew that she would go soon, but half of us were still thinking positive, awaiting miracle. In the end, she went. But in the way she wanted, at home. Peaceful. I remember hearing the last breath, and we all went in one by one to touch her icy hands. Goodness sake, why and how did I come to writing this?? Guess it's the first thing to think about regarding the word 'sad'.

I realised that recently when I start the music in my media player, I skip the songs I used to sing. Now I’m unintentionally looking for songs I've never heard before. Thanks to the CD I bought at Cheras pasar malam that night. I didn't know that it would turn out so useful now, the songs and lyrics just really suits my mood now. Sad but encouraging lyrics. But why had I picked that CD?? As though my sense knew it before me. Recently it's like good days and bad days are quite predictable, 'coz it really turned out like one day good one day bad. So since today(I mean yesterday) is a not so good day, tomorrow(today) will be a good one!! Had the weirdest dream ever too last night. It’s like related to things happening now, not in a way totally out! I wonder what the dream is hinting me...I always wanted to know what my dreams stands for, but most of the time I think it's better not to know. It's like kinda scary to know... less dreams please...

Yen always said I'm always very 'mao-dun'. Yalo, I know.
Mexen always call me not to think so much. Trying not to. But if they appear in my dreams, what can I do?
Kim always said she'll be there to support and share with me my ups and downs. Thanks.
Joo call me to be bad to people to be kind to myself. Hahaha. Hmm...something like that la.
Yeh always call me to 'guai la'. Already very 'guai' liao la.
Saji is someone new I can talk to.
Bear sometimes has magic. i told him. but when i tell him he no magic liao. haha.
Qiang always wish me to be in pink. pink wor.
Ben always call me to jiayou together and sweet dreamzzz. Jiayou ok. I wanna reduce dreaming la.
Ying always call me smile like I always do, and things will sure be better and I'll have a better tomorrow. I still always smile.
I told ma n pa that I miss home.
Pa said if got one week holiday then can go home. But I only got 2days la. But pa very nice to talk to...this year...hehe.
Ma said she can solve every problem that makes my mood bad with pa's help, unless I'm the cause myself. Wah wah wah. But I said I'm the cause and refuse to share. Hoh.

Sandra always said she cannot tahan see me good good girl. I told her I'm already very 'loud' in sbux. She just laugh and shook her head. But I think I know how she's thinking about me. Getting to like her. Hehe. Herry and Baim treats me nice. Sandra & Zana & Regi likes to give me pressure, I feel. But getting used to it. Seldom do people see that I'm sad, but this SuAnn is telling me that I look sad when I'm actually smiling, I don't how she even knew. But in the end I successfully convinced her by being as normal as I can. JooHieng gave me a card and made my day. Syed left his drink for a long time not drinking it coz I pumped his name & a smiley face on it. I found out & laughed at him then he tickled me. Shit, make me got blue-black for knocking the rack. I just passed on what I had on the 2nd day of work when Wilson pumped a big smiley face on my hot chocolate. Always a little thing can make someone's day :)

Half doing assignment. Writing blog. Waiting for the moon(s) to appear. Tipu tipu tipu!!! Cannot even see the real moon, how to see the 2nd moon wor? Ishh... sleepy already la. I would have called some people with excitement if I saw, who cares if you're sleeping!! But disappointment only la...herrrr~ 1:39am

Still can't see moon!! Grrrrrrrr...... sleep liao. 2:09am.


28/8/2006 22:10
I'm at the POS position today when one of my customers suddenly asked me, “Hi how are you? Are you smiling to me coz we talked also that day?” I was like “errmmm...sorry sir but I can't remember...”, feeling bit the guilty but not expecting myself to remember the 'so many' customers. Then he told me, “Haha, it's ok, dun worry. You've got a great smile, keep it up!” hohoho...shy shy...

Another customer asked me the same thing twice. First time I didn't know what he said so I just said hi. Second time he asked me again, and I asked if I could help him. Third time he said louder, “Hi how are you?” hahaha, I was so paiseh...and he was laughing at me. Goodness sake.

There was snapshot today. Scary. Every month there'll be, and we never know when. Just that while working halfway, suddenly you see a flash, then a camera. Then you have to pretend you didn't see it. Gosh. Terrible experience.


29/8/2006 21:29
Regi accidentally kena my waist and I made a funny sound and my body went forward. He thought it was funny and did it again and again, shite. Then once I was drinking water and he did it, and I was running after him and he ran past the bar! Gosh, so embarrassing...luckily no customers. Where got manager macam ni one??

I always look happy? Sometimes I feel that I'm cheating myself, but even the smile just come out like that. When people ask me 'Are you very happy today?' sometimes I dunno how to answer, coz I wasn't really that happy...so I just answered 'It's good to smile!' then the couple just said 'Yeah, you look really happy.' And they smiled too :) well well, I realised that I keep talking about my smiles recently, but people are the ones who keep telling me... sometimes I wish I could change some of the smiles with tears.

I hate it when I have to wait for the bus alone or when I walk back from work. It's the time when my brains keep working! Usually on stupid things, the impossibles...or maybe sometimes the truth, I dunno...sometimes I wish I could dream on, sometimes I wish I would knock my head and wake up ^_^ But life itself is a dream. Good dreams, bad dreams. Imagination has no age. And dreams are forever.


31/8/2006 00:07
Darling it's your birthday. I've another something for you. Just found it tonite and remembered that I saved it for your 24th birthday while seeing my photos just now... it's actually something I wrote like 3 or 4 years back, haha. It's like been years I'm not there to celebrate with you liao... miss you la =.=

Today :) heehee...just counting. For myself. Gonna record everyday, kekeke.

Okies, back to sien sien assignment...while everybody else is out there counting down. I hear fireworks, but can't see wo. Zhun-zhun I'm facing the wall. They're all shouting MERDEKA!!! Walao eh, still got youngsters so cinta Negara one oh. Haha. Reminds me of the 远征 we had to shout Merdeka 10 times at Padang Merdeka. Hahaha.

MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!! MERDEKA!!! Hehe...i don't mind shouting this year coz Malaysia's 49 years old!! Beautiful age!! MERDEKA!!!


31/8/2006 22:10
Today at work everyone was really happy. Haha. Perfecto!!
Came yen's place to search internet info, then chat with long lost jac & penny. How nice.


1/9/2006 21:18
I accidentally slept at about 2am after bath and viewing old photos. Woke up 8am sharp with no alarm's help. Feeling really bad. Luckily I remembered it's kim's bday today. It's like few days I'm quite ok already, but the terrible mood is back today. Went to work feeling bad, met a taxi driver yang cakap banyak pula. Wilson said I looked not energetic today. Blah. Also had a jab today. Goodness sake. Why of all days choose today? Needle foebia eh. Went with Boywin the new guy, who's also a needle foebia. Ngai ti. Luckily it wasn't too terrible, but my hand feels abit 'soft' now. He tells us that we can call him Boy, which I think sounds weird if I call him Boy. Chinese who doesn't look Chinese. ChewLing might be leaving soon...the girl who always has a British accent when talking to customers.

Next mission: Stay awake till I finish my assignment. /cry. No choice, tomorrow due ^_^


2/9/2006 3:32
世界有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
有没有别人跟我一样很想被安慰
我还不清楚怎样的速度符合这世界变化的脚步
用我的双眼在梦想里找路
该问路的时候我不会装酷
下起雨也要勇敢前进
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑 欲下雨 天黑黑 黑黑
---孙燕姿